Abi asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 1 month ago

I found my birth mother?

Hi, so I'm an adoptee obviously and I was adopted in a Central Asian country when I was a toddler. Here's the thing, I'm TERRIFIED of contacting/meeting my birth mom because it's just so foreign to me. I've never met her or talked to her, only seen her pictures and I have her name and details. A few months ago on Instagram, well I looked up her name and I found what I believe is her account(private). I have once again looked her up just now, but instead of ignoring it and feeling pained, I feel like I want to try and DM her or follow her? 

My mom has said before that I should reach out, but I felt too scared in the past. I'm wondering if I should DM her, is that smart? Is that unprofessional given the circumstances? Should I just let it go and not contact her since my adoption causes me lots of emotional pain?Side note: My birth mom kept me a secret since she remarried and has a new life and family. Would I just be intruding if I did contact her Insta?

3 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    I completely understand why you want to reach out. One tiny caution first: how much do you know about your birthmother's culture? For example, is it a culture where she could be in danger if the rest of her family found out that she'd once had a child out of wedlock? That's not meant to discourage you by any means. It's just that there are a few places in the world where it can turn out disastrous for a woman who "damages the family honor," so you'd no doubt want to make sure she's not in one of those places.

    Also, since you're feeling so much uncertainty, you might consider working with a professional counselor or therapist before you reach out. Try to find one who has experience working with other adoptees. A therapist can help you sort through and face your fears and help you set realistic expectations. If counseling is out of the question, maybe you could find an adoptee support group online that would be a helpful sounding board for you.

    Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

  • 1 month ago

    Ultimately it is up to you. Contacting her through Instagram gives her the option to keep things quiet if she has not told her family about you.

    I'm an adoptee, and my original mom was very happy that I made contact with her. She had thought about contacting me, but didn't want to intrude on my life, and I debated about contacting her for the same reason. If I hadn't taken the chance, we would never have met, and I would never have had the chance to know her, my two sisters, and my brother.

    Source(s): Adoptee and Adoptive Mom.
  • God
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I think I'd contact her by Instagram.  Ask her if she's OK with having a dialog with you.  Leave it totally up to her.

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