Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Potential job offer in another state?

I plan to move to VA from NY in September and I've been applying for jobs there. I just received an email from one of the jobs wanting to schedule me for an interview and to meet the people. Only problem is my mom has been against the idea of me moving. Every time I brought it up

, she got really upset and angry. She yelled at me calling me selfish for moving away from the family, and this has been a constant issue between us now. I live with my parents as I'm helping out financially. She feels like the only reason I'm moving is because of my boyfriend who works in Virginia. While yes, that is part of the reason, but I've told her long before I even met my boyfriend, that I want to get out of NY if I ever got a chance. She just never took me seriously. And is not like once I move, I'm not seeing my family anymore, I'm not abandoning them. I told her that. My boyfriend's family is also here so coming back would never be a doubt. And compared to my parents who moved to a different continent from their family, I'm only a few hours drive away.

I know this job pays higher than my current job in NY, but that's not what I'm mainly looking at. I feel that once I can secure a job (hopefully I get hired for this job), it would be an opportunity for me to move and be a somewhat legitimate reason for my mom. 

She doesn't know about the September move yet. My boyfriend and I plan to tell her in August, hoping is not too late. What would you guys do?

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Sounds like your mom doesn't want to cut the apron strings. She still sees you as a child, not as an independent adult with a life of your own. It's going to be tough for you, but you need to stand your ground and make it clear that you're leaving as soon as you find work in VA.

    Ideally, you should tell your mom that you're going well before you leave, to give her a chance to get used to the idea. Part of the reason she's acting the way she is has to do with her being emotionally dependent upon you. She doesn't like the idea of your being far away, because it affects her personal sense of security. And given where you both live now, I can hardly blame her for being worried about her safety. NYC is a dangerous place for an elderly person who lives alone. The other part of this has to do with- you guessed it- MONEY. I don't know how much you are contributing to your parents' bills, etc, but that more than anything else is the real sticking point here. If you leave and move to VA, your mom can't count on your financial support anymore, and she may be worried about how she'll make ends meet and support herself once you're gone. That is a legitimate concern, and it's something that needs to be addressed well before you move.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would just go if you need the job

  • 1 month ago

    Go for the job. Don't let your mom guilt trip you. You have to have a life of your own at some point.

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