Asking my sister in law and brother to be in my wedding? ?

I want to ask my sister in law to be my matron of honor. I also want to ask my brother to do a “brother of the bride” speech during the reception. I am not having any bridesmaids. I know it’s polite/customary to ask people to be in your wedding by giving them a gift. Should I do this for my brother as well?  He also doesn’t really drink so I’m not sure what to get him as a gift? 

8 Answers

Relevance
  • Trish
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    I didn't have bridesmaids but my sister gave inexpensive costume jewelry on the day of so they all wore matching jewelry.

  • sarah
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Personally, I was so excited to be engaged that I just texted the bridesmaids and told them what day I wanted to go wedding dress shopping...lol. Both of the brides whose weddings I've been in also asked through text -- one just flat-out asked if I wanted to be a bridesmaid, and the other put all of the potential bridesmaids into a group text and said, "I donut (except she used the donut emoji) want to get married without you by my side...will you  be my bridesmaid?"

    You could save the gifts for the actual wedding day. In one wedding I was in, the bridesmaids each got a jewelry dish with their initial on it, and at the other, we each got a silky robe. Alternatively, instead of doing gifts like that, you could pay for everyone's wedding clothes, which is what my husband and I did for our wedding party.

  • 4 weeks ago

    What the heck is your question?

  • 4 weeks ago

    A matron of honour is a bridesmaid. 

    No gifts are required to ask someone to be in the wedding party; if you choose to, buy something he specifically as an individual would like

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 4 weeks ago

    Yikes.  It's fine to ask your SIL to be your MOH, but why do you want a brother of the bride speech?   Keep in mind that these are more like toasts than a speech, and what you don't want is your brother to go into some long description of your childhood or whatever.  The toast is to the couple, not the bride.

    On the gifts, you do give them to your wedding party, but not when you ask them.  This is just the wedding industry promoting stupid ideas.  It's actually frowned upon, because if someone can't do it, or doesn't want to, it's harder to say no when there's a gift attached to it.  You give wedding party gifts much closer to the wedding, usually at the rehearsal dinner.

    Finally, your brother is not considered part of the wedding party if you're just asking him to do a toast. 

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I've never heard of this. You ask someone to serve as an attendant by simply asking the someone to serve as an attendant. "Mary, I'd be honored if you'd be my Matron of Honor. Of course you'll need to know a lot more about what's involved before you'd accept, but would you consider doing this for me?"

    All these extra exchanges of gifts are creations of The Wedding Industry. Instead of fretting about gifts, prepare a detailed list of everything you'll be expecting from an attendant. By detailed I mean "Spend up to $700 on clothing, accessories, and personal services like hair, nails, make up" instead of "Buy a dress and shoes" and "Arrange and pay for a bachelorette weekend in Las Vegas including hotel room, shows, and spa day" instead of "Do a hen night for me." 

    No fair getting the "Yes, I will be your attendant" agreement and THEN dropping bombs like "You need to throw a party for me" and "You need to get a hotel for 2 nights at your own expense." 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    In my experience, it is NOT customary to provide a gift when asking someone to be in your wedding. That smacks of extortion, or forcing them to accept the position out of obligation ("I gave you a gift, you have to say yes" - how desperate!).  A small gift as thanks for their participation is customary, but it is normally presented close to the date of the wedding, perhaps at the bach party, or the rehearsal dinner.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Last two weddings I have been to the brother of the bride was their attendant.  They wore a suit/tux and stood by the bride, their sister.

    Have them both stand by you and you wedding attendants.

    Gifts can be personal.  What does he like? Any hobbies? 

    Tickets to a show or sports game

    Jewelry- monogrammed cuff links or a watch

    Pocket knife engraved. 

    Piece of art work.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.