Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Am I overreacting? ?

I got in a fight with my husband. We have had trouble for a long time. It was a simple fight at first bit got out of hand with both of us saying a lot that we shouldn't. I accept that I was wrong and accept my fault in it. He left during a pandemic and hung up on me when i called him. I texted him that i would like to know where he was since its a pandemic and he's safe. I also told him i felt my actions and wrds are my fault and his actions and wrds are my fault...not my finest hour I realize this. He wouldn't tell me where he was or that he was safe. He said it was my fault I made him leave when he was drinking, I made him leave our house. He then proceeded to end our 12 year marriage by text. I know i am partly at fault here, but isn't it way out of line to leave during this time and not let me know he was safe and to break up our marriage by text...i feel a complete lack of respect and winder if i am the one way out of line. I'm so confused. 

Update:

Also, I am an alcoholic and quit drinking 4 1/2 months ago, I'm trying to better myself for my family and he is also an alcoholic and refuses to quit.

Update 2:

The fight was yesterday. We faught about the fact that my husband had a friend over...totally fine btw and they socially distanced and his gf dropped off his son who we havent seen in 6 mo....i am worried about coronavirus I'm sorry but I am. I wanted my husband to just let me know they were all coming over or to pull me aside knowing I'm nervous right now as say hey its fine they are doing everything our family is to be safe since kids don't socially distance...they r kids I get it. 

Update 3:

I didn't throw him out he left of his own free will, he told me it was my fault he left because of how i was acting. 

1 Answer

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  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Words are so hard to take back because they were said, heard, digested, and incorporated into mind, body and soul. As you know. You don't tell us if this was days, weeks, or months ago.  Any chance you can just sit on this for a couple of weeks without reacting any more than you already have? Wanting it to be "out of line" or not suggests you'd really like it to disappear but you'd also like to keep fighting about it and keep fighting with him. Yes, it's disrespectful. Yes, likely you both MUTUALLY have been disrespectful to the other or at least feel that way. 

    It's not really possible to know if a person is "overreacting" to enormous drama in their lives when you don't tell us, outside of throwing your husband out of the house, what your actions have been. I'd be stunned and deeply hurt if my husband ended our marriage via a txt. Feelings are what they are. They're real. We all have them. Clearly your husband has them as well.  Again, maybe you can just come up with something else to think about and do for the next two weeks. See how it sifts out. If he comes back, try counseling. If he doesn't come back, maybe try counseling anyway. A change in some fashion will have to happen. 

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