How do I make my mother give me space?
In 2019, I lost everything. So I moved back to my home state because I found a new job immediately. My initial thoughts were to get my own place, but my mother said I could live with her and split the bills. Unfortunately, that’s what I did. When I moved in, she would ease drop, try to get into my relationship business, ask me where I’m going. I mean it was a huge mess. She’s a part time realtor and I asked her to find me a house. She would purposely find me ugly houses so my new boyfriend helped me search for houses. I found the perfect house and my mother literally made the home buying process extremely stressful. She’s been a realtor for over 13 years and I think she was trying to stop me from buying a house. I had to tell her if you don’t close this deal I will find someone else. So I closed on the house and now she wants to see me every weekend and I kindly declined. How do I tell her to back off and give me my space?
- JLv 54 days ago
When you moved back home, your mom was probably imagining some fairy tale where you guys become best friends and get matching outfits and crap. That’s just what moms do. She probably missed you when you lived far away and now that you’re back, she thinks that means she can see you all the time.
Tell her that you’re glad you can spend more time together but you have other plans and can’t spend every weekend with her. Just go have dinner with her a couple times a month so she doesn’t feel like you forgot all about her. If you commit to spending a certain amount of time with her, she will probably be more likely to give you some space.
- e9601:Lv 64 days ago
You need to live your own life as you see fit. Don't answer your phone all the time when you see it's her. Or, just tell her right out you need your own space.
- 4 days ago
start coughing a lot and say you are hot.
- Christin KLv 71 week ago
You've already reached one conclusion you need to reach--you declined her weekend visits. Now put your foot down in all the other ways you need to. You may have to be blunt and even rude to get her to understand.
She's hovering. Tell her to stop hovering. If you have to, set strict limits on visits. Refuse to engage her in conversations about your personal life. The words, "I'm not talking about that with you," or "that's my business," are going to have to be your staple answers for a while.
If you can't do this, you will find yourself entangled in her interference forever. It is totally up to you to put a stop to this. She won't.
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- babyboomer1001Lv 71 week ago
Tell her that you will be at a friend's party at that time, sorry. The next time - sorry, I invited a friend over for the afternoon. Sorry, going to a friend's baby shower. The next time - sorry, I am taking another employee's shift/working overtime. If you aren't working, then you can't use that excuse. Now if you live in Coronaville, you can't use those excuses and will have to come up with something more creative. Got a landscape person working in the yard that afternoon. I'll be hiking with a friend - every week - six feet apart but you can still hike together. Once a month, you ought to be able to get together with her.
- 1 week ago
Sounds like you're a little hard on your mother. She just wants to see you. You're her child and she loves you regardless of what you might think. One day you're going to wish you never even thought things such as this question you asked.
- SlumlordLv 71 week ago
Well, since you now have your own place, I think locking the door and not picking up the phone that often, should do the trick. You can flat out tell her you need more space but I wonder if it'll do much good seeing how she has ignored this obvious fact for so long, already. If you simply lock the door and don't pick up the phone, she'll pretty quickly have no choice but to give you more space by virtue of the fact that she can't find you.
- MaxiLv 71 week ago
You behave like a mature adult and invite her for lunch/tea and you either tell her reality of your feelings and hurt her immeasurably or you invite her again in a couple of weeks, so she learns that you invite and it is not a 'call in when you feel like it'..... but think on, you used her for your own benefit, she may be lonely, she may like her child back in her life again now they are an adult and that is normal...but your action to live with her was the action of a child, moving back home it is a child/mother relationship and your attitude right now ( now you don't need to use her) is one of a child... " I want to be able to use for my benefit, but am not prepared to give anything in return"
- wind_updollLv 71 week ago
Tell her just like that. She obviously has control issues and has no desire for you to achieve independence based on her own codependency.
- 1 week ago
Well if u feel like your independent enough to be on your own tell her to back off.maybe she cares about you and want you to make good decisions