Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingTrying to Conceive · 1 month ago

I can’t have kids and I’m ashamed to tell anyone.?

I’m 27 and I’m healthy but I can’t get pregnant.  I’ve been married since age 21 to a guy I’ve been dating since I was 18. I stopped taking BC  3 years ago & my husband doesn’t know. I’m just afraid to disappoint him if he knew I had been trying for so long and nothing has happened. I’m getting pretty depressed about it now and I don’t think I can afford IVF treatment. I ask hypothetical questions and My husband says he’s ok with adoption but he speaks of pregnancy and having our own child so much. And ofc I always deal with the “when are you having kids” question...I haven’t talked about this with anyone except for my OBGYN. Is there any hope of a normal pregnancy? I just feel so down and I don’t know what to do. 

8 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You and your husband should see a fertility doctor. He NEEDS to know about this! Surrogacy is always an option..?..

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  • 1 month ago

    Lord--WHY would you keep such information from your husband?  HE needs to know. And there is NO reason to feel ashamed if you really are infertile. It's not something you did on purpose!! If you continue to keep this a secret and he finds out, he's going to feel more betrayed and angry than if you had just come clean about it immediately. 

    What is it your OB/GYN has told you? Do you have a physical reason for being unable to conceive? Is it fixable? Is it permanent?  You didn't provide many details. Is it even YOU that is infertile?  

    You need to stop the pressure at the outset. When someone badgers you about getting pregnant, just tell them "It will happen when it happens. No more discussion, please."  Your fertility is NObody's business but your own. But stop living a lie and keeping secrets. You're doing your marriage absolutely no good whatsoever and you may be keeping yourself from a future that might be a lot better. Adoption is great. So is surrogacy. So is fostering. You don't offer you or your husband any of these options as long as he THINKS you are going to get pregnant one day and you don't tell him you can't. If he loves you, he'll support you. If he only wants you to 'breed' then you're better off without him. So step up and confess.  Get this issue out into the open THEN discuss your options.   

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  • edward
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Maybe it’s not you.  Maybe it’s him

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    The first step would be to actually get tested to see if you have a correctable problem.

    Also - this might not be your problem.  Men can have all kinds of fertility issues also.  It might be his problem and not you.

    It might be time to take the next step and admit that there might be a problem and start seeking help.  

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  • 1 month ago

    You say you cant have kids but you have not been tested to find out if this is true and maybe husband is firing blanks so go and speak to your doctor but long time ago it took me almost 3 years of ttc and we were both fit healthy and fertile.

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  • 1 month ago

    Your worth and value as a woman and person does NOT revolve around your ability to have children.

    Would you be ashamed to have a cold or an ingrown toenail? This is a medical issue and not needing shame! Your husband fell in love with you. Not hypothetical future children.

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  • 1 month ago

    What did your OBGYN say? You may need to see an endocrinologist. I know two women who were not getting pregnant. It turned out to be PCOS. One went on hormone treatment. The other took large doses of vitamin D (as directed by her doctor) and took a boot camp exercise class to lose a little weight- both became pregnant almost immediately. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Get and grip and get to the doctor.  It might not be you.  It might not be anything but poor timing. You're making a lot of overly dramatic assumptions without any proof.  Step 1 is having an gynecological exam and any testing to determine whether or not you have an infertility issue or not.  Next is having your husband checked.

    If you can't talk to your husband about this stuff, you married the wrong guy or you need to be more open and trusting.  Lying to your husband is not okay.  

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