9 Questions for a Married Person?
For someone who is married, if you don't mind answering these few questions down below. One sentence is fine, more than one is greatly appreciated. For a school project, thanks.
1. How did you meet the person you married?2. What was a big reason you wanted to marry them?3. What was it like planning the wedding?4. What thoughts went through your head when you proposed/were proposed to?5. What new responsibilities do you now have after the marriage?6. How has marriage changed you?7. What is one downside to marriage?8. What would you say to someone who is thinking about getting married?9. In your opinion, is getting married the best thing to happen to you
- 1 month ago
1. How did you meet the person you married? Travelling.
2. What was a big reason you wanted to marry them? I love him. I am completely smitten by him. The sex is out of this world. He is kind, gorgeous and a genius. He is my kind.
3. What was it like planning the wedding? We eloped.
4. What thoughts went through your head when you proposed/were proposed to? I was happy.
5. What new responsibilities do you now have after the marriage? I have to suck up to his family, lol.
6. How has marriage changed you? I feel proud of myself to be my husband's wife, as well as happy and grateful.
7. What is one downside to marriage? There are none.
8. What would you say to someone who is thinking about getting married? Be sure it's the right person. (You will know and if you don't know they aren't the one.)
9. In your opinion, is getting married the best thing to happen to you By far.
- old beatnikLv 61 month ago
First wife.... Married college sweetheart just before Sr. yr. Only married one yr. bec we were hit by a drunk driver and I lost her.
Second wife.... 3 yrs later.... Met in line at a hot dog stand at 1AM. Went out following Sat. nite. Had so much fun we went straight thru to 11PM Sun nite. Had 51 dates in 8 weeks. She proposed to me on a Fri. nite. We were married following Sun on a Chicago beach at sunrise over Lake Michigan with our friends, flowers, and a jug of Ripple wine. Breakfast reception at Waffle House. We just knew. Best thing I ever did. She agreed. Married 52 yrs. 2 children. She passed from a massive stroke 2 yrs ago.. I still miss her deeply.
- 1 month ago
Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?
A relationship’s success is based on how differences are dealt with, said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute. As we are all shaped by our family’s dynamic, he said, this question will give you insight into whether your partner will come to mimic the conflict resolution patterns of his or her parents or avoid them.
Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers?
With the question of children, it is important to not just say what you think your partner wants to hear, according to Debbie Martinez, a divorce and relationship coach. Before marrying, couples should honestly discuss if they want children. How many do they want? At what point do they want to have them? And how do they imagine their roles as parents? Talking about birth-control methods before planning a pregnancy is also important, said Marty Klein, a sex and marriage therapist.
Will our experiences with our exes help or hinder us?
Bradford Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, pointed to research his organization has sponsored that indicated that having had many serious relationships can pose a risk for divorce and lower marital quality. (This can be because of a person having more experience with serious breakups and potentially comparing a current partner unfavorably with past ones.) Raising these issues early on can help, Dr. Wilcox said. Dr. Klein said people are “hesitant to explicitly talk about their past” and can feel retroactively jealous or judgmental. “The only real way to have those conversations in an intimate and productive way and loving way is to agree to accept that the other person had a life before the couple,” he said.
How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all?
If two people come from different religious backgrounds, is each going to pursue his or her own religious affiliation? Dr. Scuka has worked with couples on encouraging honest discussion around this issue as the executive director of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement. What is more, spouses are especially likely to experience conflict over religious traditions when children are added to the mix, according to Dr. Wilcox. If the couple decide to have children, they must ask how the children’s religious education will be handled. It is better to have a plan, he said.
Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail me out?
It’s important to know how your partner feels about financial self-sufficiency and whether he or she expects you to keep your resources separate, said Frederick Hertz, a divorce lawyer. Disclosing debts is very important. Equally, if there is a serious discrepancy between your income and your partner’s, Dr. Scuka recommended creating a basic budget according to proportional incomes. Many couples fail to discuss sharing finances, though it is crucial, he said.
What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a car, a couch, shoes?
Couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or recklessness. Buying a car is a great indicator, according to Mr. Hertz. Couples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on, he said.
Can you deal with my doing things without you?
Going into marriage, many people hope to keep their autonomy in certain areas of their life at the same time they are building a partnership with their spouse, according to Seth Eisenberg, the president of Pairs (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills). This means they may be unwilling to share hobbies or friends, and this can lead to tension and feelings of rejection if it isn’t discussed. Couples may also have different expectations as to what “privacy” means, added Dr. Klein, and that should be discussed, too. Dr. Wilcox suggested asking your partner when he or she most needs to be alone.
How important is sex to you?
Couples today expect to remain sexually excited by their spouse, an expectation that did not exist in the past, according to Mr. Eisenberg. A healthy relationship will include discussion of what partners enjoy about sex as well as how often they expect to have it, Dr. Klein said. If people are looking to experience different things through sex — pleasure versus feeling young, for example — some negotiation may be required to ensure both partners remain satisfied.
Do we like each other’s parents?
As long as you and your partner present a united front, having a bad relationship with your in-laws can be manageable, Dr. Scuka said. But if a spouse is not willing to address the issue with his or her parents, it can bode very poorly for the long-term health of the relationship, he said. At the same time, Dr. Pearson said, considering the strengths and weaknesses of your parents can illuminate future patterns of attachment or distancing in your own relationship.
- charlesjerrellLv 71 month ago
stopped in like a 7-11to get a soda and she was working there . we fell in love thoughts was wow she was beautiful , responsibility , we had to find a place of our own ,start a new life and work , marriage changed me because we both wanted kids and we were very young , i was 19 she was 21,downsides we were to young , when you are that young you need to grow up a little more ,what i would say wow first make sure ur in love and not in lust , find out everything about eachother , likes dislikes as such , getting married is a great thing but it takes work on both sides , nothing is any better than knowing when you get home there is someone waiting for you that loves you ,, someone to grow old with.
- What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
- Anonymous1 month ago
1) Through mutual friends in college, we were going to hit the bars one night.
2) I thought she wanted to have a lifetime of sex with me
3) Like it was the biggest day of her life, and I was an after-thought, but yet a necessity, if that makes sense
4) Too many, I was trying to make things perfect
5) Too many, I was trying to make things perfect
6) I am unequivocally the most bitter person on the planet
7) Just 1? I have to say it is the death of the man's soul when the sex goes away because he didn't make everything perfect
8) I have told my three sons that it would be better if they stayed single until they no longer desired sex - that way their soul would remain healthy
9) No, it killed the remaining faith I had in there being any god (we got married in a church); it has made me see the world for what it is (all trickery, lies and deceit); I realize love is a false pretense, misrepresented in our society.
Everyone uses the word 'love' as though they know what it means. If you state the one true example of love - that of a mother for her children - and define what that is, then love means being devoted to the happiness and well-being of another, above oneself, before oneself and besides oneself. Nearly ALL people are too selfish to truly love someone. Marriage for love is a false pretense. Girls grow up wanting to get married so that they get their day all about them being a princess. Guys get married because of the sex. Guys profess their love to the girl, guy buy the ring for the girl, guys propose to the girl (has to be special) - and from then on everything is about the girl. It's really why 50% of marriages end in divorce and 20-25% more have the husband cheating constantly.
- Anonymous1 month ago
1 - In a coffee shop during a conference. I was an attendee; he was a speaker.
2 - I love him.
3 - There was no planning. We got married by a Justice of the Peace and went out to dinner with our 2 witnesses.
4 - I knew him less than a week when he proposed. We married 8 weeks to the day we met. I thought he was crazy when he first proposed (and I said no).
5 - There was no change in "responsibilities." We are both working professionals. I have my life; he has his life; we have a life together.
6 - I think I'm more centered and less career driven.
7 - So far - 9 years - I haven't found a downside.
8 - Marry a friend, not just someone you love.
9 - The "best thing" that ever happened was meeting him, not marrying him.
- FireballLv 71 month ago
1. THROUGH A DATING SITE.
2. WE GET ALONG WELL.
3. NO WEDDING BUT WE GOT MARRIED AT THE JP AND SOME FRIENDS STOOD UP FOR US AS WITNESSES.
4. HE ASKED ME AND THEN HE SAID PICK THE DATE...OUR ANNIV IS 3-24
5. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED SINCE 2006
6...IT DID NOT...I AM STILL ME..
7. WELL NOW HERE COMES THE SOULMATE FROM THE 70S AND HE WANTS ME BACK.
8. MAKE SURE U REALLY LOVE THE PERSON.
9. THE BEST WILL BE WHEN SOULMATE COMES DOWN HERE..
- Andrew SmithLv 71 month ago
There are too many questions. It would take dozens of pages. I will 1. We met at a motorcycle rally. But there is so much more to it than that.
2. I quickly realized that she was what had been missing from my life. I felt incomplete and empty without her. I can remember I would spend time on top of a hill where I could look out to where she lived and wondered what she was up to. I felt happiest when I could imagine a connection between us through space and time.
3. Planning the wedding was trivial. The marriage is merely a celebration. I organized the church and the minister. My wife's mum organized the reception. Brothers and sisters organized various other aspects. Each contributing their own skills and efforts.
4. When I proposed the first time I had spent some time with her. I realized that this is how I wanted every day for the rest of my life to be. I told her that and she laughed. So I waited a couple of years and asked again. This time she accepted me.
5. All the responsibilities I took on board well before the wedding. The official marriage did not alter that. The primary responsibility was to put her first. To do everything in my power to make her life as good as it could be. To support her interests. In turn she did all the same for me. We support each other in every imaginable way.
6. Not sufficient space but we think, act and even dress as a single person. ie everything is done together. Many times every day we start to say the same thing at the same time. We know what each other is thinking before they even know they are thinking it. We are always a matching pair and everyone knows it. Even on the far side of the world where we visit. One supermarket girl there spoke to me when my wife was in another shop and said " I would give anything if, even once, my boyfriend treated me the way you two treat each other".
7. I have been thinking about this for some time and I can't find anything to say.
8. Don't think with the wrong end. A marriage should be about a life together . Sex is just sex. But being with your best friend in the entire world is the greatest thing. Being loved by and loving her is magical. But it isn't about selfishness or possession or lust. That will all fade and you would be left with nothing but bitterness and resentment. If you truly want to find love you need to consider her first. You must be prepared to compromise. But the BIGGEST thing I always say is to write down the three most important things in life to you. She should do the same. If there is a conflict in any one of these DO NOT PROCEED WITH A MARRIAGE. You don't have to agree on everything. Nor even have the same interests. But if there is a conflict that you cannot compromise on it will be hidden by the lust for now yet it will surface and destroy you later.
9. yes, Yes and YES. it is my life. my soul. There is absolutely NOTHING the world has to offer that is even an insignificant fraction of what a good marriage is.
To choose the most important things you need to think about things that you could not compromise on or abandon. OK let us imagine that regular sex was important to you. How regular? Any fetishes?
Or you are staunchly religious and you demand that your children are to be brought up in your faith.
Or that you want a large family.
The point is that you cannot have a limitless list. Otherwise you could never find a partner. So a reasonable size is that each of us is entitled to three absolute demands.
Everything else can be negotiated and agreed.
If you read questions here you can often find people asking if they are right about something. That is exactly what is wrong with their marriages. There is no right and wrong really. If these were not identified in the beginning as absolute then any decision must be made in equity.
So here were mine.
1. I hate the city. I want to live in some rural area.
2. I am cuddly and physical. I want sex, love and affection.
3. I wish to be married in a church in a religious ceremony. Not large or grandiose but a proper ceremony in the eyes of God. I will continue to believe in major biblical principles as an important framework for a good society.
And my wife's
1. I love animals. I want a place where I can keep my horses and pets and enjoy them.
2. I expect respect for what I am. For my intellect and for my freedoms. I expect to be treated no better and no worse than a man simply because I am a female.
3. I want a level of independent financial means that I can control as I see fit. To buy whatever I think is important and to manage in whatever way I feel is best.
There is no collision amongst these and indeed our number one priority is mutually supporting. Being rural enables us to have a property. Our number one priority matches perfectly.
The other parameters were perfectly acceptable to each of us.
And remain so after our 50 years together so far.
The love and the respect are also very compatible with each other. I value her advice and opinions and she values mine so that we can almost always speak with one voice.
I am confident that if more people thought about the issues rather than about desire they could avoid the greatest pitfalls that destroy marriages.
If you look closely you may notice what is NOT in this list and notwithstanding what society thinks ANYTHING outside these is able to be dealt with in some manner.
For example we both are more than prepared to financially assist our other half whenever needed.
We both could agree that two children was fair and reasonable.
We both loved our respective inlaws but agreed that it was OUR responsibility to defend our partner against our own parents if there was ever a criticism or complaint by them. My wife is my first and foremost responsibility in life.
We both agree to keep fit and active and to try to remain healthy and desirable to our partner.
We both are messy and accept each other's mess as fair and reasonable.
There is so much more. The point is that all of these were open to discussion and to compromise.
- bojLv 71 month ago
1. Our mutual friends home.... childhood friend marred to his navy shipmate. 2. Love, his personality, etc. 3. Planning the wedding was a real challenge, it was time consuming, irritating but fun at times. 4. I was surprised that he felt that way about me. 5. Normal family responsibilities: contributing to caring for our marriage, kids, home and finances. 6. It hasnt changed me per se, just the things that i do. 7. Arguing, disagreements fighting. 8. Take time to get to know the person well and practice the 3 C's of marriage faithfully, pick your battles wisely and put your partners needs b4 your own. 9. Yes.... mainly because its what i wanted and the type of marriage i wanted.
- Anonymous1 month ago
1. We met in high school through mutual friends.
2. Insurance. We're American. I wanted to just live together, he wanted to get married. I went through a bout of pneumonia with no insurance, and he pointed out his employer-provided insurance would cover his spouse.
3. Stressful. In retrospect, we should have eloped. It was small, but his family was way too intense about the whole thing.
4. There was no proposal. We just discussed it a lot and eventually went for it.
5. Nothing in particular. We lived together and bought a house together before we got married, so we already had a routine.
6. I'd say I'e matured, but that's to be expected after almost 30 years of marriage.
7. For me, none.
8. Keep the lines of communication open. Live together for a few years to find out if you're compatible. Be realistic about each other and the relationship.
9. Yes. If only because that insurance has come in handy over the years :-).