Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 1 month ago

What if you don't bond with your adopted child?

I adopted two children from foster care. One child I have bonded very well with, we have an amazing bond. I got him as a newborn. My other child I didn't get until she was two years old. I have never had a good bond to her. She was young when I adopted and I assumed that our bond would grow in time but it's been a few years and there's been no change. I try to be a good mom filling her life with positive things but inside I still don't feel like she is my own child like I gave birth to her. I still feel like I'm caring for her birth parents' child. I met them and have memories of them holding her and I don't feel yet that I am her mother. I feel awful saying this but I feel like her caregiver most of the time. What would you advise someone that feels this way? Should I accept that we don't have the natural mother/daughter bond or is it something that still could come years down the line? I would appreciate any advice.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    I'm sure this happens a lot, and not just with adopted children. There are biological parents and children who have never felt close to each other too. Children aren't something you send back just because you don't have strong feelings for them though. That child has come to depend on you for everything. You keep raising them, even thought you lack the warm feeling you have for the other child with this one. And you try your best to relate to them and have a relationship with them. It very likely your relationship will change and grow and they get older and become teens and then adults. I don't have kids, but I've adopted a lot of pets throughout my life, and it's the same with them. Some I love more than others. But I do care about them all and don't regret getting a single one of them. They're all special to me.

    • Geneva1 month agoReport

      Thank you for this

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You have up to 5 years to return them.

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  • Spiral
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    you would really need to discuss this with a certified proffessional for the proper guidance.

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