My son just came out as gay. Was it cause of me?

My son’s 15. He just told me that he’s gay. I told him that he’s my son and nothings gonna change that. He also said he has a boyfriend already and wants me to meet him. I have nothing against him being gay, nor would I ever consider disowning him like some a$$wipes would do. It’s just him and I. He has no siblings and his mom’s not in the picture (she left when he was 3...). Did my parenting in life cause him to be gay? Or the fact that he was raised by a single dad? I really don’t have an issue, but I don’t wanna feel like I went wrong somewhere down the line. Any advice or any similar experiences? Thanks. 

Update:

I’ve never once brought this up to him, nor will I ever. I just wanted to know that this was absolutely nothing on my part. Looks like most of you are saying it isn’t, so that helps a lot. Thanks. 

20 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Im a guy and I have a slightly younger brother. I ended up gay and he ended up straight. We were raised the same way so it’s just the way people are wired. So no it isn’t because of you it’s just the way he is. But good job to you when he came out. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Yes, it's genetic.  When did you come out of the closet?

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    • Psy1 month agoReport

      How rude, sexual orientation comes from birth. You can't change someone sexual preference. 

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  • 1 month ago

    No it's because of Obi-Wan

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  • 1 month ago

    There is no evidence that parenting has any bearing on a child's sexuality. Many children of married fundamentalist evangelical preachers are gay. More and more professional athletes are coming out as gay. If anything, you should take a bow, sir.

    Source(s): www.pflag.org. Support for parents of LGBT youths
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  • Sky
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Assuming your anonymously posted question is true (and I have my doubts due to the anonymity, but let's move on), the answer is no.  He's gay because he was born gay.  It's the way his brain has been wired since birth.  What your parenting apparently did do is give him the confidence that he could come out to you without fear of rejection, hate, humiliation, punishment, being disowned, kicked out, or attacked, and that's to be commended.  Considering how LGBT people come from all kinds of families with both parents or a single parent, loving families or hateful families, parents of all education levels and careers, parents of all different religions or none at all, it's clear that the household situation and no traits of the parents cause their kids to be LGBT.

    So, you're already on the right track by having nothing against him being gay and having no intention of disowning him.  Continue to love and accept him exactly as he is.  But your next step is to stop feeling like there is something "wrong" that you could have caused, or that you "went wrong" somewhere.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.  So he's attracted to guys and is in love with a boyfriend...so what?  Feel happy for him and encourage him to be his true self and to build a strong relationship with his BF?  Also assure him that if he ever needs to ask questions or talk to you about something, that he can come to you without fear.  That's what being a good parent is.  (Plus, if he's gay then you never have to worry about him being the cause of a teenage baby momma.)

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  • Sam
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Why does it have to be someone's fault?  

    Why can't it just simply be what is? 

    We, including you, are not here to make others happy. You should not be what I want you to be. You should be who you are and everyone is unique.  

    I'm sure you appreciate your sons uniqueness, just as he appreciates yours, because you are a good parent.  You want your son to be healthy and happy.  It is not necessary to understand those we love. It is necessary to accept those we love and want them to love and be loved. 

    Source(s): I will also add that I'm not here to make you, or anyone else, happy. If you are, or are not, that is your choice.
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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Its simply a numbers game. Based on the number of people born, some will be lgbt. He can marry, have kids, have a good job - all that. In fact even when the families are headed by lgbt parents - most likely the kids are all going to be straight because only a minority of kids will be lgbt - their parenting does not determine their kids sexuality. Its baked in. It can’t be changed. What you can do now that you know his orientation, is adapt your parenting style so that he finishes growing up in a healthy environment for someone with his orientation.

    I’d say try and put him around good lgbt role models. Get him in a gay youth group either at your school or maybe through a local gay community center. An online gay youth group that is monitored is called trevorspace. Spend some time on the pflag site. Join a local chapter. It would be good for you if you could network with other parents of lgbt youth and compare notes. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. https://pflag.org/ There are many good souls in the lgbt community and their straight family members that love them. Just reach out. We like to help each other out. 

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  • 1 month ago

    No one knows...

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  • 1 month ago

    Nope, you had nothing to do with it. All the evidence points to the fact that a person's sexuality is innate. 

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    • choko_canyon
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      They'd LIKE to believe in the bible? What does liking or not liking have to do with it? As for its author, that's a point of debate, David.

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  • keerok
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    This is past the time when you should be wondering why. Admit it or not, you are still in the phase of admission. Just concentrate in wishing him the best.

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