Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

How to deal with people who are rude shine busters?

Here's my dilemma. I'm a stay at home, single parent of a special needs boy and so I don't have any friends and frankly, I don't have any acquaintances. The only time I get to be around adults is to take part in some community gathering/outings that are meant to bring some levels of relaxation to happily deal with my responsibilities again.

There is ONE woman who goes on all these trips. She's appointed leader of these trips (i think she's self appointed).She makes it a point to try to make my time there so miserable. Here's a few examples. When she sees our driver or anyone else who's being happily social with me, she waits till i'm not around, fills their ears with a whole lot of crap about me and all of a sudden, when i get back around these people they ignore me and give dirty looks.

She tells the men that I'm a lesbian, she tells all the black people on the trip who don't know me that I'm racist (i'm half black). One time we went on a camping trip where we had log cabins, she told all the neighbors terrible things. when i spend money on shopping trips with these people she makes fun of me because i have money to spend.

These trips are the only thing that brings me happiness but she tries to ruin it for me. I stay quiet and ignore her but its hard to ignore when she makes it a point to get others on board to dislike me.

If i don't take part of these trips, i'm just locked up not being able to do anything but she makes it impossible.

what should I do?

8 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    You certainly do not have to tolerate  her abuse. You can be quiet and hope she stops her repellent behaviour, or, you can summon up your courage and confront her  directly.  This self-appointed leader is not going to stop behaving like a jerk on her own.

    She needs to be confronted and called out. If you don't want to do this, fine, but you are prolonging your own misery. Good luck

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  • 1 month ago

    What worries me is that everyone is happy to believe her right off the bat. You must be doing something to make it seem feasible to them that she's telling the truth.

    Probably you're just not mixing enough with these people. The more they get to know you, the harder it'll be for them to believe her.

    And are you actually SURE she is indeed saying all this stuff? It's easy to get a bit paranoid and imagine half of it.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you should get involved with other stuff so shes not around

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You demonstrate through your kindness that you're not a racist and who cares if the men think you're a lesbian. You're in no position to be dating anyway and plenty of guys have no problem being friends with a gay woman. 

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  • 1 month ago

    You should try to find other things that make you happy, rather than rely on these trips alone, especially if there is no one above this woman you could make a complaint to.

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  • Eva
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Why have you not spoken directly to her about this?  How do you know she does these things if no one is talking to you?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Get involved in church activities, volunteer at the Red Cross, Good Will or other local organization.  Volunteer at the animal shelter.

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  • 1 month ago

    If these people ignore you and give you dirty looks after talking to her, how do you even know what she had said to them?  The way you deal with it is by talking to these people first warning them what this woman will lie about given the chance.

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