Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Should I take him back?

I've been with my SO for a year and a half with almost no issues. We love one another and *I thought* this would set to last because of consistent marriage talk and a stated plan for getting to the goal. We get along very well and when we disagree he's very good at listening to me and deescalating. I also felt he was the one, and I don't remember getting along with anyone so well. Anyway, I should mention this was a long distance relationship and our plans were squashed with COVID-19 grounding everyone. And yes I had a lot of hesitation because I feel a relationship must be face to face to truly know someone, which was part of our goal.

One recent day we were talking about just that - how are we going to plan the uncertain future and what steps should we take to get to our goal of being together and married.  Old topics came to the surface and a few things he wants are not within my purview to give, and that we have to find a middle ground, to which I suggested a few options.  Welp, he wouldn't agree on any, told me it was a deal breaker, and said there's no point in getting married. Just. Like. That. I was floored.

We wrapped that up and a few tense hours and tears later we agreed to stay in contact. He's calling daily, calling me "baby," and not acting like we're done. He even called himself my husband again and I had to remind him he's not. He said he still loves me. I love him too, but I don't feel the same after what happened.

Should I take him back?

2 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Until you two are living in the same place and have completed some intense premarital counseling you've got no business even talking about getting married. It's really easy to "love" someone from afar and to ascribe to them all your fantasies because you don't have to face any of their real faults. So slow down with this. It honestly sounds like you're the one who let yourself get way too far down the road when he's still at the stage of trying to explain to you the life he thinks he wants. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Reading between the line it would appear that possibly not enough face 2 face time has been had to seriously get this relationship off the ground if at all any! Even couples that live in the same area that have been dating for as long might only have initially spent maybe 3 2 4 months together if you based it over 24hrs, which isn't that much really. However, even with very little background info, I get the impression you're not the only person he's communicating with from some strange reason, and he could be very well having the same type of conversation with other women too, sadly for you. From going from a very-good listener and de-escalation to someone that users the term dealbreaker as if it were a contract you both were discussing and not your future. He then has the audacity to then say let's stay in contact, and while I'm at it I'll also confuse you even more by referring to you as my babe still, and also for good measures drop the occasional reference to being your husband too. That ought to do the trick in getting what I want so that I can string out the relationship thing for very much longer as she's hurt! You where you heart on your sleeve even despite the fact it's an LDR. How very words/language can inform a person of just how vulnerable we are despite us believing we are doing a good enough job to protect ourselves until we're truly sure of a person's intentions. So, despite the amount of emotional investment, you've put in, I don't see this relationship going beyond anything other than more pain within the future for you and you alone. I wish you the very best whatever you decide and hope you find joy and peace real soon too. 

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