I’m pregnant, I moved out and my husband won’t speak to me. How long do I let this continue to go on?

I moved out due to various reasons concerning where we currently live and him not willing to compromise. He wants to stay living where we live. Prior to marriage and after finding out I was pregnant with twins he was fine with moving. In fact, he was more dedicated to looking at listings more than me. A lot had changed. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, but with twins there’s no way my job will pay for daycare so now I have to. I feel like if I have to be the one at home most of the time, we should at least move somewhere where I’ll be okay with it. In the beginning, he agreed fully. Now, he doesn’t care because we live by all of his family and he wants to stay by them. I want to move half way between all of our family (a measly 20-25 minutes away.)  We tried therapy, to no avail because he refused to say what was on his mind in front of the therapist. As soon as we’d leave, he’d send me paragraphs via text talking about why he doesn’t want to move. He’s now not speaking to me. Not even to ask about my pregnancy because he “is doing a lot of thinking and making up his mind.” I’ve been gone a month! I think that’s plenty enough time to decide if you want to compromise or divorce. I expressed this to him, and silence was all I got in return. Should I just go ahead and file for divorce and see what his response is? Or continue on in this state of uncertainty and stress while he strings me along for the ride?

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Don't pull the trigger on divorce unless you mean it (and are willing to put the twins up for adoption). You're very dramatic but that may just be the hormones talking. Marriage counseling would probably be a good option before either of you do anything crazy. 

    • Can you read? We went to marriage counseling and he wouldn’t talk while we were there! 

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  • 1 month ago

    You say he won't compromise but its equally obvious you don't want to either. 

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  • 1 month ago

    and this female's sniveling, in a nutshell, is a prime example why modern western females are so worthless as wives or mothers...none deserve husbands or LTRs, fit only for men's biological use

  • 1 month ago

    Well then, you could stay where you are and *he* can stay home with the twins and you can go to work. It makes more sense that way because it's his family nearby and they can help him out a lot, and he needn't feel shy about asking since they're his family. I think it's a perfect solution. 

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  • 1 month ago

    You have to decide whether to file for divorce or not. We can't decide for you.  We don't know either one of you or the entire situation/relationship.  

    If you're concerned about paying for daycare and you're going to have a family of three, often times the State will pay for your daycare bill.  You just have to apply for State babysitting. Often times, State babysitters are much better than a daycare center.  They are private people. I had one when my son was young. 

    Anywyay the bottom amount of income for daycare help  may be higher than you think.  It's worth a shot.

    Men are pigs.  So yeah, now you know

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  • 1 month ago

    You talk of compromise. From his perspective it is either move or don't move.  No compromise is possible.  You need a mediator or arbitrator.  Where you both put forward your best case and agree to abide by whatever decisions the arbitrator makes.  If you could both agree to that much then you have to accept that the arbitrator might not agree with you.  But as it is a chance to defuse a bad situation and give you both a way to move forward without all the acrimony of a divorce it is certainly worth a try.  If EITHER of you refuse to accept a rational ruling by an independent person then unfortunately divorce becomes the most likely outcome sooner or later.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He's right.  You're pregnant with twins, which will be a huge financial burden.  You're going to quit your job, which is also a huge financial strain.  Now is not the time to be moving.  You moving out has shown him that you're pretty much a diva, and made him rethink the relationship.

    You both need to grow up.  

    • Nickname
      Lv 4
      1 month agoReport

      He needs to grow up and move away from mommy and daddy. She and kids are hus family

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  • 1 month ago

    Let me start off by saying I am genuinely sorry you have to go through this. Your husband is certainly acting like a child. First things first, you do not have to resort to being a stay-at-home mom. There are plenty of online jobs you could look through that don't require you to leave your home. If you really want to work, you could also consider getting a babysitter or nanny. Aside from that, why were YOU the one that had to drop your job to stay at home with the kids? Why couldn't he do that? Unless you are more traditional, I would say let HIM take care of the kids so you can be happy. But I understand that's not always easy. Also, do you mean move halfway between both yours and his family? Or do you want to just move a little farther away from his? Additionally, what is the reason you want to move? Is it just because you are unhappy in your current house?

    I am not going to tell you that you should just divorce him. That is a major step for a married couple. I will tell you that you need to put your own happiness first before his. And also that you should consider what is going to be best for your children when they are born. 

    You consider telling him that you are seriously considering divorce. Maybe this will trigger something in him that will make him realize his wrongdoing and apologize and at least talk out your situations like adults. If he ignores you and doesn't do anything about it, then you'll have your answer. It's not fair for him to string you along like he has been. Not only is he putting emotional stress on you, but you are also pregnant which only adds to your hormonal stress. I just think that if he loved you, he would at least want to know how you're doing. And it is clear that you have at least attempted to express your feelings with him. It is also clear that he isn't trying to make things better, what with ignoring you and then refusing to talk things out with a therapist.

    Like I said, consider telling him that you are very close to a divorce to see if maybe it will make him realize he's acting like a child. If not, then it may be best to get on with your life.

    Again, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you know you're not alone. Your life matters most above anyone else's, so don't let him torture you like this. I wish you the best.

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    • Emma1 month agoReport

      Sorry for so many extra comments. I really hope you find the best. Just remember to listen to your heart and do what is best for your health. This man is holding back your happiness, remember that, too. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Moving out was a big LEGAL MISTAKE - file for divorce.

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