Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 4 months ago

$70 check as your brother’s wedding gift. Is it normal?

So we recently had a wedding (before COVID19), but my American husband’s brother couldn’t make it. It is understandable, because the wedding place was far away. But he didn’t even congratulate us directly, and only sent a $70 check a month later the wedding without any messages attached. I found it kind of weird, I mean it’s okay if he couldn’t afford anything, (but he did make a purchase of some rental property after that) I just thought a little message to congratulate us would have been nice. He recently got a serious gf and we think wedding will come up anytime soon in the future. So I was wondering how we (me and my husband) should even celebrate. To be honest I don’t even feel comfortable attending his wedding…

5 Answers

  • A.J.
    Lv 7
    4 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Guessing by what is stated, 

    single, young, current USA society, probable few close relatives in his living area and minimal contact

    Your culture is more based on etiquette and closer contact.

    Have you and your husband been reaching out to him?

    International mailing of goods is not cost effective and trying to figure out what you would want is even worse. I give my nieces and nephews cash in envelopes in person, but mailed would be a check. The amount you show is low in my standard, but I don't know your brother-in-law's financial situation.

  • 4 months ago

    You are making far, far too much of a minor incident. What you should do is write a nice 'Thank you' letter and let life go on.

    Real people don't sit doing a precise tally of 'He gave me $70 but didn't come to the wedding - She came but only gave us $50 -  Aunt Sue sent us a really useful toaster oven and I didn't even send her a Christmas card ..."

    Accept the gift as a gift and move on. Worry about going to his wedding if and when it actually happens, and if and when you are actually invited.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Any "Gift" is a GIFT, don't be so petty.

    500$US would be better than a Toaster Oven.

  • g
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    You could just send him a nice thank you for the gift and continue on.

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  • 4 months ago

    I don't think you should treat this as a tit-for-tat situation. As in, don't be mean to him because he didn't do the things you expected for you. If he gets married, congratulate him, buy an appropriate gift, generally be the better person. Also, $70 is better than nothing (and indeed better than some gifts I've seen), so it does seem like you're being ungrateful, which isn't really a good look.

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