Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 1 month ago

Disability for anxiety and emotional stress?

My husband is really having a hard time coping with life lately for some reason. He has never told his doctor, so there is no documentation. He has been drinking for a long time but has always been able to work, etc.. A few weeks ago, he was driving and blacked out from being drunk one evening. He has no memory of it, but managed to make it home. He lost a mirror and there is damage to his hood. He apparently drove through someone's yard but doesn't know where. He was lucky he didn't kill himself or someone else. The next day he told me he just can't handle working any longer and life is too tough to continue at the pace he is going. His personality seems to have changed and he seems to be angry a lot. He is 60 and I cannot see him making it to 65 until Medicare kicks in. Is it hard to get a disability for such a mindset? He is also stubborn and I don't think will open up to anyone about how he feels, but I see him losing his cool on a regular basis, but not in a physical manner.  I also never see him getting help for his alcoholism because he doesn't want to stop drinking. His anger is now directed toward me for wanting him to get help.

Update:

I am not taking his self worth away. He is asking how to retire but does not qualify yet.

11 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    At 60 he MUST be doing less!Can you discuss this with his employers?They should understand the situation as he is their long time employee!They'd send him to a greener pasture,try to contact them,even if without his knowledge!The guy is your partner!

    • Sunday Crone
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      It is not your responsibility to talk to his employer and you might get him discharged if you do.  HE needs to talk to his doctor about treatment for alcoholism.

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  • 1 month ago

    There's a great website, JW.ORG that has information on stress and anxiety. In fact, on the home page, is the article: "Stress - Keys to Managing It" that will help. You can also use the search box to pull up articles on alcoholism and anxiety. We're in challenging times. Some are simply overwhelmed by these challenges. JW.ORG is designed for the entire family and has Bible-based information that helps us to deal with life's problems. (This is free, with no advertisements.)

    I wish the best for you and your husband.  Philippians 4:6,7 says: "Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God, and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Jesus Christ."

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  • Chanel
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    It is so very hard for you cos the only person who can decide to stop drinking and get help is the alcoholic themselves.

    People with substance abuse problems become selfish and maybe it is because he has you to rely on that he will not seek any help.

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  • patty
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    he sounds like a functioning alcoholic. maybe he needs rehab

    • Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      I'm not sure driving through random yards and not remembering it is "functioning"

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I’m thinking maybe he’d have to try applying for Social Security Disability on a psychiatric basis which might be hard if he’s never been psychiatrically hospitalized, etc. I mean, I guess you could try. Maybe google and consult with an attorney who does Social Security Disability cases and appeals. Just talk to one over the phone, explain the situation,  see what they have to say. Btw, can’t believe the answers you’re getting from some of the a s sholes on here. What a sad country this is

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  • 1 month ago

    Tell him to quit the job.  Figure out a way to make it without his salary even if you have to go on welfare or become homeless.   His job is not worth his life.  It would be better to lose your house or whatever than for him to die.  I am praying for you and him.  God bless you. 

    P.S.  Ask Jesus to save you.  Read the Gospel of John.  Look up Philippians 4:6-8. 

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  • Gman
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    You can have an early retirement but it depends on certain protocols. One is your age plus the years of service with the same company should total 90.

    Example: he's 60 years old and have 30 years of service = 90.

    He could try to get a reduced pension and apply for government pension. 

    I would talk to the human resource department at his work.

    How Can the Family Help?

    “First the man takes a drink, and then the drink takes a drink, and finally the drink takes the man.”​—Oriental saying.

    YOU are walking along the edge of a marshland. Suddenly, the ground gives way. Within moments you are foundering in quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you sink.

    Alcoholism engulfs the entire family in much the same way. The codependent spouse struggles desperately to change the alcoholic. Motivated by love, she threatens him, but he still drinks. She conceals his liquor, but he buys more. She hides his money, but he borrows from a friend. She appeals to his love for family, for life, even for God​—but to no avail. The more she struggles, the deeper the entire family sinks into the alcoholic morass. To help the alcoholic, family members must first understand the nature of alcoholism. They need to know why some “solutions” are almost certain to fail, and they have to learn what methods really work.

    Alcoholism is more than mere drunkenness. It is a chronic drinking disorder characterized by preoccupation with alcohol and loss of control over its consumption. While most experts agree that it cannot be cured, alcoholism can be arrested with a program of lifetime abstinence.​—Compare Matthew 5:29.

    In some respects the situation may be compared to that of a diabetic. While he cannot change his condition, the diabetic can cooperate with his body by abstaining from sugar. Similarly, an alcoholic cannot change his body’s response to drinking, but he can work in harmony with his disorder by abstaining completely from alcohol.

    However, this is easier said than done. The alcoholic is blinded by denial. ‘I’m not that bad.’ ‘My family drives me to drink.’ ‘With a boss like mine, who wouldn’t drink?’ His rationalizing is often so convincing that the entire family may join in the denial process. ‘Your father needs to unwind at the end of the day.’ ‘Dad needs to drink. He puts up with so much nagging from Mom.’ Anything but expose the family secret: Dad is an alcoholic. “That’s the only way they can coexist,” explains Dr. Susan Forward. “Lies, excuses, and secrets are as common as air in these homes.”

    Family members cannot pull the alcoholic out of the quicksand until they first get themselves out. Some may object, ‘It’s the alcoholic who needs help, not me!’ But consider: How much are your emotions and actions bound up with the alcoholic’s behavior? How often do his actions cause you to feel anger, worry, frustration, fear? How many times do you stay at home taking care of the alcoholic when you should be engaged in more important activity? When nonalcoholic family members take steps to improve their own lives, the alcoholic may follow.

    Stop taking the blame. ‘If you treated me better, I wouldn’t have to drink,’ the alcoholic may claim. “The alcoholic needs you to keep believing this so he can dump the responsibility for his drinking on you,” says counselor Toby Rice Drews. Don’t fall for it. The alcoholic is dependent not just on alcohol but also on people who will credit his denial. Family members may thus unwittingly perpetuate the alcoholic’s drinking.

    A Bible proverb about loss of temper could apply equally to the alcoholic: “Let him take the consequences. If you get him out of trouble once, you will have to do it again.” (Proverbs 19:19, Today’s English Version) Yes, let the alcoholic call his boss, drag himself to bed, clean up after himself. If the family does such things for him, they are only helping him drink himself to death.

    Get help. It is difficult and perhaps even impossible for a family member to get out of the quicksand alone. You need support. Rely heavily on friends who will neither support the alcoholic’s denial nor let you stay stuck where you are.

    Should the alcoholic agree to get help, it is a cause for great joy. But it is just the beginning of the recovery process. Physical dependence on alcohol can be arrested in a matter of days through detoxification. But the psychological dependence is much more difficult to manage.

    https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101992362#h=1:...

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  • 1 month ago

    If you think it is bad now (and it is) just wait until you take away his self worth and self respect with a welfare disability check every month!

    How about you attending an AA meeting to get some insight about his disease of alcoholism??

    • ...Show all comments
    • jannsody
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Al-Anon Family Groups may have a local Al-Anon support group, which is for the friend and family of those with an alcohol addiction.  (They might be online these days though.)

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  • 1 month ago

    Sounds like my abusive dad

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  • 1 month ago

    You NEED documentation to get get disability, and even then it is really hard unless you have a lawyer.  IF this is really true, he NEEDS to start talking to his doctor so it can be documented.  IF not then there is nothing much you can do beside just leaving his sorry *** cause he has decided he does not want to work no more.

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