Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Husbands family photo doesn’t include me?

So we took lots of different photos together with my husbands family. My family photo with my husband was about 20 people. (huge) 

His only included his single mother, brother and sister. So it was 5 of us. 

We made big canvas pictures for our families to hang up in their homes, frames etc. No I am not the closest to my in-laws.. because they are much more quiet and I’ve never even hugged his family. They hung up a huge living room photo on the wall of my husband with his mom and siblings. I’m not even in the big picture. 

As I look around more, I’m in the little framed picture on a table. I’ve never been this hurt but I don’t even know what to say. When my husband and I saw the big picture he looked at me with his eyes saying “I’ll explain later, don’t take it personal” but how can I not? His mother was never married, and neither are his siblings. I would think being the first married couple, would be a beautiful new addition to the family.. but apparently the mom still views her kids as only that. Anyone experience this? How should I go about this now that I feel excluded and not family that I married into? 

13 Answers

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If the picture doesn't include siblings spouses or partners, then WHY should you be in it.  It was just his mom and brothers/sisters and him.  Nothing wrong with that.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Months ago, this same sorta question was asked 40 times... I can't believe you're still at it. Thanks for the points

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  • 1 month ago

    In general, women go indirect about things that they can not really say in person. 

    From what you wrote, it looks like she is aware that your face is missing. If she updates the photo, the mistake was probably innocent. But if not... you know your relationships better than us here.

    Since this is your family now, you can ask, preferably with humor, that maybe they need a more photogenic picture of you or that you also had hard time deciding which picture to put into a frame. This is optional and only if you know how to handle yourself because asking a direct question can escalate the problem. 

    Aknowlege your photo on a table with gratitude and say how it makes you feel special! 

    And always remember that if you are interested in having good relationship with your husband's family for many years, skip drama.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I wouldn’t take the big picture your MIL hung in her home of her and her kids personal. But, if your not in any pictures that’s just odd and that would make me feel that no one cared for me. 

    When my SIL made a “family reunion scrapbook” everyone was in it, except for me. I noticed that in some of the pictures I had been deliberately cut out bc I remember the picture being taken. My SIL has never liked me and she does these types of things to make me feel insufficient. She wants me to know my place in the family dynamic. I say let it go, know your place. They don’t see you as an important part of their family and never will (I’ve been married 25+ years, the scrapbook incident happened 2 years ago. It still hurts , but it’s a little head game . Just play the game. Good luck!

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  • 1 month ago

    Please let this one go. Your husband just wanted to have an "immediate family" pic of him, his siblings and mother. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Don't judge the in-laws by your own family behavior. Families are all different. 

    you should not feel rejected. You don't have to take it personally at all. You can smile, be as welcoming as you want, hug whomever you want, and then let them BE. They simply aren't like you and they have different values. There's nothing wrong with that, either. Don't make an issue of this. It will only deepen your alienation with them. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Hey sometimes that’s okay they are the main family. That’s very understanding don’t take it personal. Could be anything I’m sure they love you be happy be content with yourself and life.

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  • 1 month ago

    Do you have pictures of your husband's family in your house?

    Now since they are quiet people I guess I can identify with them since I'm also quiet... at my house we would never hang pictures of in laws unless we have authorization to do so... in order to avoid conflicts. .

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  • 1 month ago

    You're not on the inside of the family circle. It happens to many people. They know they will be looking at this picture for years and decades and they don't see you a major person. And they no many non essential family members will get divorced at somepoint.

    Source(s): MGTOW
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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    haha, ur hurt cause they wanted a photo of their original family. they KNOW divorce is 50% likely so why have an inlaw mess up a family picture, if divorce happens.

    I am that mom who did the same, no harm intended to the inlaws but i got SICK of family photos including people that wasnt around in a few years.

    Thats my truth, now bring on the thumbs downs cause people think im heartless.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    On my dad's side we have a big family.  When we used to do pictures there is a shot taken of everyone (spouses, kids, etc).  When the grandparents were still alive they used to do one of just grandma, grandpa, and their kids only - this one always got a bigger display/frame.

    Point is - I think you're making a much bigger deal of the direct family-only photo than there needs to be.  There IS a picture of you in the house.  By your own admission, you're not that close with them.  Don't make this into something it's not.

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    • Fin1 month agoReport

      That could have been an opportunity to get a shot of them all while dressed up then.  Why put your energy into being hurt by this?  Better to direct it towards something productive and/or happy.

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