Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

Is Being Sexually Assaulted my Fault? ?

I will go over what happened to me now. I had a sexual relationship with a boy for a while, and we knew each other pretty well, but things got complicated so I decided that I didn’t want to be physical with him anymore. A month or two down the line he came over during the evening and we wanted to hang out and drink at my place. I got pretty drunk & he started making moves on me after I expressed that I didn’t want that. He kept grabbing my breasts & I kept saying no. A lot of this was a blur. The next thing I remember I was under him and he was kissing my neck and holding my wrist down as I tried pushing him off. It was dark. I remember internally I felt like I couldn’t move at all, & I had no voice. I tried telling him nice & he wouldn’t get off. I froze. He wasn’t hurting me or anything, but I’ve been forced into sex before and it traumatized me. He made me give him oral sex & was thrusting in my mouth even as I did nothing , & he was forcing his lips onto mine. Eventually he had sex with me & I didn’t want to and after he was done I was dad & I told him how I felt and he left without saying a word. It’s been over half a year and I still get sad about it, and I still think it is my fault , it’s my fault I didn’t have boundaries at the time... any advice or thoughts? I’m still healing from this.. 

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  • 2 months ago

    He raped you. It is not your fault that he raped you. That was his decision and you made it very clear that you did not want to have sex. And the fact he has never contacted you again cements that HE realizes he raped you too. Is likely afraid you'll get the cops involved. This is not your fault.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    No, it was not your fault but your alcohol intake contributed

    Report him but learn from it

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    My goodness that was deep to read and so wrong of what he did. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Please don't ever feel ashamed or embarrassed of this, you are so brave for even putting it out here. O think it was so hard-hitting reading that because of how raw the detail was. You did not consent to any of this and there is two pieces of advice I'm going to give you. Firstly, this involves immediate therapy/counselling sessions with someone who is an expert in the area of sexual assault and trauma and seeking which options are available to get you the justice that you deserve. Secondly, I'm going to give you some womanly advice.

    I mentioned that you MUST contact a therapist. I know some are expensive but there are charities which do this for free, there is free help online if you feel that it is too expensive. You need to talk to an expert so that both you and they can discuss the best way to get over this mentally and to see how both of you can sort this situation because it might involve legal action. Don't be afraid to contact one, they are great and will focus and listen to you and your problems. A lot of them have been through trauma and know how to deal with these things very well.

    Now the womanly advice. A lot of people don't understand how manipulative a man can be towards a woman in getting her to do things she doesn't want, but as a woman you feel inclined to please him because there is this sense of guilt if you don't do it and you really like a guy. But if he is acting that way and getting you to do things that you don't want to or feel out of your comfort zone then you should say no and leave and block the guy so that you don't feel tempted or guilt in to doing it. As women, our body is our temple therefore treat your body like a temple. Don't allow no man to take advantage of it. Make him treat you right with respect and don't settle for less. Perhaps it would even be best to wait until marriage to engage in those activities because then you know it he is the real deal and won't be hurt.

    I really hope you take my advice on board and know that you have people who will listen. To me it seems that you are very hurt and you need help. Personal growth is needed from within which will affect your outwardly. Self-esteem and self-respect is a vital part of every stage of life.

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  • 2 months ago

    Well no it's not your fault but that doesn't mean it's someone else's fault. There is too little information here about what happened to say there is any fault at all. You need to seek counselling from a professional, probably a psychotherapist is better than a psychologist for this stuff.

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