What to do when my dad’s coworker is making him think I want nothing to do with our family because of my sexuality?

I was outed about 3 years ago. I had told my siblings that I was gay, hoping to build up confidence to tell my parents. I planned on telling them when I came home for winter break (about 3 months after I told my sister) but my brother accidentally let it slip. My dad was furious that I didn’t tell him first and treated me like ****. To make it worse, he confided in a gay coworker cause he thought a gay person would know best about the situation and he didn’t know anyone else. She’s about his age, so obviously when she was coming out, gay people were looked down upon a lot more than now. She was very negative and put a lot of thoughts into his head that made the situation worse. I’ve tried to explain my side to make him understand why I was scared to come out, but because of what she said he thinks that I’m basically cutting myself off from the family and building a new family with my gay friends even though I’ve done nothing to make him think that’s what I’m doing. I’ve tried so hard to be as involved as possible with my family so they know that I still love them and want them in my life regardless of their views, but I think she really got to him. He really believes that I don’t want to share anything with them or spend time with them. I don’t know what to do. It really hurts that he’s believing some bitter woman whose projecting her own family problems on our situation over his own daughter. 

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Get help from your other family members. Then let time help you. Make plans with your family and attend functions. Things will be different in a years time if you have your family members backing you and you really do attend events. Also why don’t you cook a nice meal for him or take him out to eat? Or maybe make a meal and have your whole family over if your siblings need some work on them too. 

    Coming out is about educating people around you and sometimes it takes a while. He got some bad information from his coworker who had a different life experience. But you take it upon yourself to educate your Dad and your other family members how you are. He changed your diapers, you can do that for him. You might be one of the only gay people they know. If you don't do this - who else will?

    This is bad - but you have things to work with here. Its not like you are banned and shunned. Some bigoted families don’t even want us in their lives at all! Just be there for them and educate them. Actually - if their is a pflag chapter in your area - get them to join. Google pflag. If you have your parents network with other parents of lgbt children - that can do a world of good. And get on the site with them! It will be slow - but you can do it.

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  • 1 month ago

    We all have to make difficult choices.  Yours was coming out and risk losing the affection of your father.  Too late now.

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  • Tj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Get your Sister and brother to help you with this, provided they support you. Let them talk to Dad. You start getting support from Pflag.

    • Sarah1 month agoReport

      I would but I don’t feel like they’re on my side either. They had no problem immediately running to my parents to “tattle”. Sometimes I feel like they have the same views as my parents which is scary. I thought they were open minded like a lot of this generation, but now I’m not so sure.

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