How do I deal with my dad who disagrees with my sexuality and has emotionally scarred me because of it? ?

After I figured out my sexuality and started dating my gf, I came out to my brother and sister. I knew they’d be easy to tell and hoped it would build confidence to tell my parents. My brother slipped and told them and my dad was furious that I didn’t tell him myself. I explained that I was going to at some point when I felt ready, but was scared at the time. He said awful things to me like I put a burden on my family, I only cared about myself for not telling him, that if it wasn’t for my mom calming him down he would’ve driven out to my college, wrung my neck for my car keys, and cut me off. He still holds me not telling him over me to this day. He’ll drop it for months and things will be ok then he’ll all of sudden bring it up again and start a fight. Like today, it’s been 3 years since they found out and he brought it up again. I explained in detail why I was scared by offering examples of how he had been homophobic in the past and how it’s my choice who I come out to and when. He just got all defensive and said I didn’t know what I was talking about, that the stuff I was saying wasn’t true and that I should’ve told him first and I was basically shitty for not doing things his way. His attitude is just very toxic. He refuses to take responsibility for the things he said and did that scarred me and still effect me now, but has no problem telling me everything he feels I did wrong in that situation. I want my dad in my life, but damn it’s hard to listen to that constantly.

2 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Time for a little role reversal. You be the parent and have him be the child. Teach your Dad how to treat you. Its going to take time. Basically he keeps throwing tantrums like a little kid in a grocery store that is not getting his way. Don’t fold. Maybe he needs a time out once in a while. Call him out on it.  Be calm and be strong. Get him in a pflag group or at least on the pflag site. It would help him to network with other parents of lgbt. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Your dad's behavior justifies and confirms your fear in telling him. You could have just said that and been done with it, no apology needed. Do not waste any more of your life expecting him to change. There's nothing you can say or do to change his attitude. Only he can change it if he chooses. Get on with your life and don't look back. And don't feel one bit guilty..

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