Why, as a gay man, do I not get along with other gay guys? ?

So I'm 21, a gay man, and I have never gotten along with another gay guy. 

I came out in middle school, and for some reason what followed was the popular gay guys endlessly bullying me any chance they got. It continued all the way until the end of the high school. 

Afterwards, I decided to recover by broadening my scope, and still, every gay guy I've met since then has been the same way; catty, conceited, petty, sassy, unsympathetic; I could go on, but generally hard to get along with. 

I've never had my first kiss, let alone anything further. I'd like to know someone before doing all of that, but gay guys my age only want to get laid, then never talk again. And if you don't conform to that, they'll cut you off completely. 

Why are gay guys like this? I'm not the problem and that's not up for debate. 

13 Answers

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  • Tj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    At your age it is very common for most gays to want more than a hook up. Dont give up, there are guys that want more. You may want to find a more mature guy that you like. Many younger go for Daddies, because they want more than a hook up and most are great to be with.

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  • 1 month ago

    Jesus don’t like you preaching sin! You could go to heaven in the next lives! If you accept Jesus in your heart ❤️ Jesus loves you more then you know! Don’t be a homo no mo no more 

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  • hi
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    The lgtb community is full of hatred.... many  of them are guilty of hatred, self righteousness and lust.. 

    Obviously they only want to "get laid", that's why their HIV rates are so high...

    Marriage is between one man and one woman..

    • Craig
      Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      Everything you say about LGBT is equally true about heterosexuals.  Far more straight people have HIV than LGBT people.  Remove the beam from your own eye.

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  • Craig
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Most importantly, look at your last para:  'Why are gay guys like this?'  ALL gay guys are NOT like that.  You're allowing yourself to engage in stereotyping, there.  That's the path to resentment & eventually to bigotry.  So realize that, as a rule, there's nothing you can say about ANY group that accurately applies to all its individual members.

    That said, there is a culture among gay guys - young ones in particular - of cattiness, superficiality, materialism, vanity, conceit, AND insecurity, neurotic thoughts & behaviour, lying, manipulation of others, underhandedness.  And also promiscuity.  Note that these are things that many young gay men are encouraged to adopt by their peers (and do!) BUT they are NOT inherent qualities that come along with being homosexual.  Lots of people - both young homosexuals and anti-LGBT bigots - believe that these things automatically come with being gay.  They don't.

    You seem to be one of the ones who reject all that negativity - and (trust) you're not alone.  You just have yet to meet a guy like yourself.  Just because you went through your teens without meeting one doesn't mean they don't exist.  They're out there.  Your own existence is proof of that.  You just need to be patient, and not give in to the impression that ALL gay men are like those who pattern themselves after the shallow, nasty stereotype.

    (If you want to discuss WHY they are like that, I could amend this to include a couple of paragraphs on that subject if you so indicate in comments, but I'm guessing this bit is all you really need to hear.  And consider xxx000au's comment, as well.)

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    • Craig
      Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      It IS accurate, but it's also NOT. It describes only a certain PART of gay men, which happens to be a minority of them. Go to a gay bar or club and you'll see these guys, but you won't notice that there are plenty OTHER guys NOT like that - and there are more who don't GO to clubs at all.

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  • You gotta find a partner that isn't hedonistic theres plenty of those in the LGBTQ you need a partner who's understanding and wants more than just sex you know a relationship.

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  • 1 month ago

    While I can accept that in school you may have shared your time with some unpleasant fellow students, I am sorry but if now an adult and your still encountering the same issues, it may be you who is causing the problem

    Let me explain.

    I knew a young man who on the surface had it all going for him yet for some reason he did not have long term friends.

    Yet as I got to know him I realised why. He simply was not a pleasant person.

    I have a distant relative who was similar, in school he was a smart *** and so other kids did not like him all that much. Then one day he changed.

    Maybe you need to take a long hard look at your self as if this is following you around!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I’m sorry you have had such a rough time.

    I think of a few solutions for you. 1) move 2) get help and 3) change up how you meet people.

    If the pool of gay people is somehow close minded about you where you live - move to a big city with a huge gay community. You’ll be able to find a niche. There are many sub groups in large communities.

    I think you should see a therapist about your relationship issues. See someone used to lgbt issues. If it were just one or two people - i’d say just move on. But if you are saying all gay guys are the same way - thats just not true.

    Also I don’t know how it is that you are meeting guys. If it is just through grindr or a late night dance bar - that is not necessarily where you will find husband material. But you will be way more likely to find a guy to take home to mom at the local gay community center, perhaps at a pro lgbt church (notalllikethat.org) or pro lgbt meditation center or other place of worhship or by volunteering at a lgbt charity.

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  • 1 month ago

    I don't get why people you don't even know brand YOU as "the problem".  I don't have an answer for you, but it does sound like you have very different values from the guys you've met so far.  I wonder if "the problem" is where you meet these guys.  I can tell you from personal experience that there are gay men who are interested in really getting to know others before they "hit the sack".  You do have "old fashioned" values. Many younger people ("millennials"?) have different values, but that is not to say that they are wrong or that you are wrong.  At the present time you sound angry?, disappointed?  You are negative and with good reason since this has been going on for a long time.  I wonder how you meet these guys?  In middle and high school, kids are mean, but now that an adult, there must be some who share your values.  Church groups that welcome LGBTQ

    + people might be a good place to start.  Other groups that share your interests - book clubs, sports leagues, etc. etc. are other places.  But I would ask you first to look at your rightful anger and see if there is some way you can put that on a back burner.  You are so used to disappointment that you are probably expecting it now.  That shows up when meeting someone even subliminally.  I

    know

    there are others that share your values.  You just have to find them.  Best of luck.

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  • 1 month ago

    i just want to say that the problem is not you. the problem is the other guys.

    ....NOT YOU....

    i am 29 and my b-day is in January, and i am still a virgin and i don't give 2 s**ts what anyone says. so DON'T worry about what other people think. you will get you 1st kiss soon. :)

    as for the gay guys that are a holes and just want a quick hook up and dump people the next day are guys that are a** wipes. NOT ALL gay guys are like that. that is why i am single and looking. (for the same reason as you, MOST gay guys just want a quick F**K.)

    (sorry for the long answer and i hope this helps. and sorry if this answer does not answer your question.

    • Craig
      Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      a bit brutal, but sadly - pretty accurate

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  • 1 month ago

    You are all really screwed up.  Sux to be you.

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    • Craig
      Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      Wilds - Better have a look in the mirror.  When you are both 35, this guy is going to be happy, and YOU are going to be the one at a loss...if you cling to this viewpoint.

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