Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

I'm not sure how/if I should speak up to my grown daughter?

I am in my late 60s and my daughter is in her 30s. For two years now my daughter, her husband, and their kids have been doing this YouTube "vlogging" thing. They basically film their lives everyday and upload it for the people who are subscribed to their channel to watch. I've never been on board with it. Even though my daughter assures me that her husband and kids enjoy it, I don't think they should be putting their kids (all under 13) out on the Internet. Yes, I can now "catch up" with them everyday, but why does it have to be done so publicly? Maybe I'm old and just don't get it! But seriously, they don't know WHO watches these videos and would the kids want this out on the Internet when they are older and applying to college, say? Since I don't regularly watch YouTube, I can't relate their current number of subscribers to anything, but they are definitely not super famous, but still being watched by a substantial number of people. I just have a gut feeling that what they are doing isn't good for themselves and their kids. It's difficult, because I know they are earning some extra money, but I feel the need to tell my daughter that it's not safe. We have a good relationship and I know this is important to her, but I need to say something... I know I wouldn't have wanted to be filmed as a kid, or if so, I'd certainly have regretted it by high school. Can anyone help me with how to advise my daughter that this isn't the best thing for her and her family? Thank you. 

Update:

Thank you all for the helpful answers. I guess it's not my place to tell her what to do (as she is grown, and content with her life), but I wasn't sure if I should advise her or not :)

19 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Chances are they're either monetizing this and earning a profit from it or that that is their eventual goal with this channel. It's certainly valid to worry about this kind of exposure for minors. But your grandkids are hardly the only children being used in this manner... So at least they won't be alone in later life if they ever have to explain their parents' actions.

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  • 1 month ago

    Parents that vlog are delusional and should grow up. Tell your daughter to do something productive rather than exploit her family for attention.

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  • 1 month ago

    You can surely express your disapproval, and maybe even express a few of the reasons, but you must realize that a 30-year old woman is her own person, and has her own values; they may not match yours. I'm sure she knows what the risks are. Anyone with half a brain knows. One good thing is that at least subscribers are the only ones looking. 

    The only way you can definitely get through that internet fame is not the best career path is by allowing the consequences to happen. They can be severe, or they can be stupidly mild, but there really isn't anything you can do about it if they DO. If the kids really do enjoy it, then you don't have much you can 'teach' here. If they feel exploited, pretty soon they will let their parents know in no uncertain terms. If I were you all I would do is let my grandchildren know that if they feel embarrassed or unhappy with this situation that you are there for them to talk to.  

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  • Topaz
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Sad to say your wishes aren't being met but hey it's their life nothing you can do but tell them about the mokesters who stalk ppl like that. Just involve yourself in things u Luke to do. She's grown with her own family. If they make unwise choices they can't say later u didn't try to warm them.

    Source(s): A mom too
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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I agree with you that people shouldn’t be putting their lives out there especially when they have children. And as a parent myself I know it must bother you because you brought her into the world and you still feel a sense of responsibility even though she’s 30 years old. I’m facing the same issues as a divorced father with my son with my son right now, I’m in my mid 60s  and he’s only 19 but he already doesn’t want to listen to anything I have to say. And basically doesn’t want me involved in his life and resents me for a lot of reasons. 

    So it hurts me but at the same time I realize that I can’t tell him what to do anymore. And maybe I just wasn’t a good enough father to begin with. But it still bothers me and I’m sure it bothers you even  if you were a better parent than I was. I don’t think there’s really much we can do in the situations because they’re adults. They don’t seem to realize that we still remember when we were changing their diapers, feeding them their formulas, trying to comfort them when they were crying, etc. Now maybe they don’t need us anymore. And it’s hard to adjust to. I know it’s very hard for me to adjust to. Maybe you were a better parent than I was. But I know where you’re coming from. Feeling out of the picture to one degree or another. Still wanting the best for them but maybe they don’t want our input. People who aren’t parents have no idea how hard it can be, 

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  • 1 month ago

    You trying to advise her on if it's the best thing for her and her family or not isn't necessary. She didn't ask you what you thought of it and you trying to be pushy and micromanage her isn't gonna end well. You can't make her do things for any reason she's a grown woman now and i get the feeling that you come from the whole "kids are supposed to be seen and not heard" kind of time. Well that's too bad because she's all grown up now and you really need to accept that you can't run her life.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I understand how you feel and you certainly have very valid points. More so about the children who are not mature enough to project into the future. The children, unlike you and me and our own children we raised prior to the internet, kids today are basically raised using electronic toys and the internet. They know no different. Even our thirty something year old children tend not to have the maturity or forethought about the potential future consequences of their actions.

    Having their daily lives exposed does come with a lot of potential consequences that are not yet realized. In today's day and age, children are more sophisticated than we or our children were when we were kids. But just like everyone, we learn from our mistakes. And that is what we call wisdom. You and I have it, but our grown children have yet to experience enough life lessons to possess wisdom.

    As hard as it is to sit back and watch, lessons must be learned.

    One of my sons loved squeezing lemon juice on everything. One day he wanted to put lemon juice in his milk. I told him it would taste awful, but he insisted he loved lemons,so he wanted lemon in his milk. I decided to just let him do it, with the understanding that he HAD to drink the milk after squeezing lemon in it. So, to be fair, I poured a shot glass of milk and let him have at it. He learned that it was disgusting and he hated it. From then on, and until this very day, all I have to say is just four words for him and his brother (as a witness to this) to understand they are about to make a mistake...lemon juice with milk. Honestly, my boys KNOW and understand those four words, without any explanation, whatsoever.

    This Internet vlogging may benefit what your grandchildren DO NOT do with their Internet activity when they get a little bit older. It is tough, but all you can do is sit back and watch and possibly be supportive when and if it backfires.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If she was my daughter then I would smack the stupidity out of her, for not knowing any better.

    You can't advise her because she is full grown, stupid, and you don't know enough about the internet, but if she was my daughter then I would be very angry with her, and she would never hear the end of it from me.

    I know a lot about the internet.

    If I had kids of my own then there identities would be hidden until they reach adulthood. There are people who do very bad things, and the more information they have then they can use that against someone.

    Your daughter isn't my problem, and thank goodness, for that. If she was my problem then there will be a fight.

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  • 1 month ago

    It's really not your place, if you feel that the children are in danger or have reason to believe they are being abused then you absolutely need to call CPS and make a report. Other than that, while it's something you don't understand nor agree with, you need to back off and let your adult daughter and her husband make their own choices. I totally see where you are coming from, however, I don't think you trying to "advise" her is going to do anyone any good.

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  • 1 month ago

    I'm a similar age with a similar aged daughter (and son). You brought your daughter up to be independent and free thinking; to make her own decisions and make her own "mistakes". I myself, suggest that you give her all the love and support you can rather than trying to advise her (which implies criticism). I expect that she knows far more about social media, etc., than you or I do! Good Luck - I bet you are a great dad!

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