Anonymous asked in Social ScienceSociology · 2 months ago

I m trying to improve my relationship with my brother, and also help save his marriage any advice?

My brother is extremely kind and would never intentionally harm anyone, but he is very jealous and once he gets jealous he cant control himself, so he might become rude, aggressive up to physical aggression, and sarcastic to an insulting degree. His jealousy could be triggered by any success people around him would achieve  even if he was not involved and he becomes very sensitive to any simple comment and the cycle begins. 

Despite that he achieved alot better than most people, he still cant control this deep anger. At the same time, he is very closeted about his emotions except with our mum and his daughters. 

Our dad was quite hard and closeted emotionally as well and his relationship with my brother was very tense through most of his life due to the high expectations dad put on him which he was not usually able to achieve. Becz of his behavior, i opted into formality in our connections. Saying that, his wife is currently suffering from his behavior and considering divorce.. which i know will be too hard on him. 


We are family. That allows us to offer help even if not invited. Its expected in my community and i can even be criticized for not helping. 

2 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Don't butt in where you aren't invited.  Sorry.  Your brother has a psychological problem the will, potentially, damage his enjoyment of life and any relationship he has. The solution for him is first WANTING to fix the issues and being WILLING to do the work with a therapist.  If he asks for help, encourage him to get profession counseling. Otherwise, you can only watch him self-destruct.

    If your sister-in-law is being emotionally abused, you an offer to help her get out from under your brother and into a safe environment.  

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Yes, don't help save his marriage. First, don't assume that saving it is helping, isn't hurting, in fact. Some marriages are toxic, harmful, and should not be saved. Second, your nose, not your business. Only those inside a marriage know the business of their marriage. That's not you. You may have heard this or that or got a couple earfuls, but you don't know the whole story. You don't know what secrets they harbor. Only they know. So you are just a bull in their china shop. Third, delusions of grandeur much? It takes a fantastically huge ego to believe you can do anything to save someone else's marriage. Fourth, but even if you could, what good is their marriage if it needs your help to survive? No good is what good. Any marriage that isn't your own that needs you to save it isn't worth saving-- again, not that you actually could.

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