Why wont my daughter in law come to family functions? My son comes alone now?
My oldest son and his wife have been together for 4 years, this is their 1st year married. He's 28, she's 25.
When they first got together she was around a lot: for game nights, she would bring gifts over, she would bring food/come over for dinner/holidays.
I'm not married, and have 2 other kids- A son whos 23, and daughter 20. For the past couple years a fallout between my oldest son and my daughter has happened. I like his wife, but she's said to be the reason why says my daughter. I know when they first got together and would be over all the time my daughter would get jealous. She would say things to me like "He never would do things for me" "Why does he take her everywhere?" "Why does he act like we don't exist?" Lots of drama
At the time she was a "girlfriend" my daughter began showing a different side towards her. I would catch her staring, she would speak to everybody but her, my son has forwarded me some awful texts that my daughter had sent her. Because of this, my son has cut off contact with her, and when family functions come around even NOW she doesn't come. My daughter is still a young adult and has much to learn given this year she's going on 20. My son and her are a very happy couple but it breaks my heart when he comes without his wife. Whenever I ask my son why she doesn't come he shrugs it off and tries to change conversation. Because of this I know he's not fully enjoying himself. My daughters past actions has caused this and I don't know how to fix it?
- Anonymous2 months ago
They're both @ that special age where they
require their own space & possibly some time
spent to themself prior their inevitable divorce
ya know ??
- something fishyLv 72 months ago
4 years is long enough to know to stay away from the drama.
I'd stop having functions so he wouldn't have to come alone
This would give you time to think about how to not cycle gossips or past history into the family which causes distance
My mother in law was ruthless for 23 years the only thing that saved us is that we lived states away. But, over the years no one could talk to her about being rude, talking about the past or questioning others about family. It was simply stressful. Over the years she ended up sitting alone.
- TulipLv 72 months ago
How on earth would we know
- heleneLv 72 months ago
Well, you took the side of your psycho daughter over her innocent victim. What do you expect?
You might try apologizing for what YOU have done. And quit pressuring your daughter-in-law to come to your house, where she not only feels unwelcome but unsafe. That's a lot of risk for very little reward.
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- edwardLv 72 months ago
I have always been nasty to my sisters boyfriends. I’m always right and it makes her really mad at me for more than one reason. When she was with the right guy he was at our house every single day. Liked how close knit my family is, likes the way my family problem solves, handles situations, ect. He didn’t like the way my older sister depended on me so much. We didn’t talk about it until they broke up and we wanted to clear the air. There must be something similar you do with the family that helps solve conflics right? I mean everyone sit down and talk about the issues. Your daughter was still a kid when she said those nasty things right? Clear the air and bring the family together again
- ALv 72 months ago
why don't you have just your son and his wife over without your miserable daughter, be sure to let them know she will not be there, if she lives with you, why not invite them out to lunch and see them then.. If you have no already done so you should tell your son and his wife that you are very sorry how your daughter has behaved and you wish you could control her,
- RobertLv 72 months ago
Ok...first, your daughter being jealous that her brother has a girlfriend to whom he shows more attention to than his sister is a bit odd. How immature is this chick? That is the problem that should have been addressed and corrected years ago. Next you have to ask why the daughter in law doesn't wan to come by when she is subjected to the immature looks, comments, and texts of your daughter? I don't see how you can fix something that everyone allowed to happen for years, but I'd start with telling the daughter that she is 20 and immature, but it's time to grow up. Tell her she has one opportunity to proves she can be an adult at a family function or she will no longer be included in family functions. Then call the daughter in law, get together with her and explain what you said to the daughter. Ask her to please participate in the next family event. If they all can be civil it may be the beginning of normal get togethers. If the daughter continues her passive/aggressive behaviors, make sure she has something else to do when you all enjoy the next family function.