UV asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 1 month ago

What am I supposed to feel now that my recently adopted daughter ran away from her new home to elope with an unemployed man 4yrs her senior?

Xmas 2018 a random girl added me on Instagram (I have 10 followers and they all know me). She was a bio sister to a friend of my son's friend who was following me, so she was very loosely connected since her and the bio brother were separated and living in the foster system in different facilities. I referred her to my son and they hung out not long after; we felt bad for her being stuck in the system and we wanted to give her a new life (her previous adoptive parent died and no one in that bloodline wanted them) so we became her foster parent and then adopted her in August 2019.

It hasn't been an easy ride though. We tried to adopt the bio brother too but it turns out the previous family had a lot of anger/jealousy/abuse/neglect. My new daughter convinced me it was the bio brother but in recent events with my own bio children I realize that it was the adopted daughter's fault all along. She has extreme jealousy issues and will get verbally aggressive and emotionally destructive/manipulative until she gets BETTER treatment than her siblings (bio or adopted).

So in a way I'm grateful she's moving out because she's toxic and she was not meant to live WITH anyone to whom she has to share love with because she will compete and try to have it all. But also I'm depressed by this. We invested over $7k into creating a new life for her and even bent our traditions to fit her previous family's, in the end we feel like she never loved us back and we were just a stepping stone for her.

7 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    okay okay okay yes

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Troll smarter would be my advice.

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  • 1 month ago

    You feel what you feel, there's nothing wrong with that. Undoubtedly, you feel manipulated and hurt that your kindness was taken advantage of and this person seems to have been using you to get herself out of the situation she was in and that all makes sense. However, I think to be realistic about this, you need to be accountable for your part as well. You made the decision to foster and then adopt her and make yourself responsible for her as long as she is/was a minor. Children who have grown up in the foster care system are going to have needs that their peers do not and you seem to have entered a situation not knowing what to expect. Her behaviors are how she's learned to survive, to get her needs met, and to move forward.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I'm amazed that the Court allowed the adoption of a child so close to becoming an adult.  This would not happen in my State.  One of the problems is what you've described, i.e., a child is adopted, has a claim to the estate of the parents.

    This must be painful beyond words, but, yes, I think you were a stepping stone.

    I really am sorry.  I don't know any advice that is pertinent.

    • UV1 month agoReport

      Adult adoption. When she turned 18, we adopted her. It was a small fee of $300 and no one was alive to contest it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    What a boring and unbelievable story.

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  • helene
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Well, now she's your married adopted daughter.

    Give the couple a wedding gift and try to keep the lines of communication open, while not allowing yourself to be manipulated.

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  • 1 month ago

    Sounds like she was put up for adoption for a reason. Get her thyroid checked then have her pay you back in full for feeding her for a couple years; Get a dog.

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