What do you think about this poem?
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
- Anonymous2 months agoFavourite answer
It's pretty good. A bit predictable with the rhymes.
- 4 weeks ago
- 2 months ago
it reminds me a little of star wars you know the part when they all went down to holiday and han was there
- Anonymous2 months ago
It is an old poem who's author is unknown. I like it but it is sad. I think it is used in memory of young people who have passed away before their time.
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- humptyLv 72 months ago
The rhymes are all one syllable standards or predictable old hacks. You managed to avoid love/abobve, but otherwise you seem to have hit most of the other standards and end up with something trite where you wanted pathos and comfort.
May I suggest a good, old fashioned rhyming dictionary?
On the plus side, void/joy is an assonance I have not seen before. The intent of the poem comes through however awkwardly. This published and recorded songwriter suggest a careful rewrite with the above in mind and a less simplistic rhyming scheme. Line your rhymes up and see what I mean.
Keep trying and you will have a polished piece of work, and if you are working out the loss of a loved one please accept my condolences.
- BobLv 52 months ago
Whining suicidal thoughts from a teenage Christian.
- OrlaLv 52 months ago
I like it........