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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

What do I do about my parents crumbling marriage?

My parents have been together for 20 years, they were fine. In the last 2 years my dad started cheating, I caught him all 3 times and let my mum know. I have seen his chats on tinder, kik, whatsapp, snapchat many more apps, he goes with fake names. Its absolutely sickening.

My mum has forgiven him all the 3 times, he always reassures her after each time about how much is loves and cares and it was a mistake. 

But she is definitely not happy and hasnt been for months. I am suspecting him and so is my mum for the 4th time, we havent talked about it yet but she is definitely suspicious. She has told me this stuff is incredibly stressful for her. This time around I can clearly see she just doesn't wanna talk to him, she only answes with yes or no to my dad and cooks. My dad doesnt realise it as he is always working but its a fact. 

Im 16, Ill be going to university in 2 years. I love mom more than anything in the world. I have been stressed about the future since my dad started cheating - are they gonna divorce or not, nothing is clear and I hate it this is because my dad has a good amount of money and my mum is worried about 1) she will ruin my future with the divorce 2) It will be very hard as she doenst have money. I told mom that i will be with her no matter money and I wont have a good future if she isnt happy. I hate living like this I don't know what will happen and my atmosphere at home is really stressful with my mum and I cant pretend its all okay, I hate it so much.

3 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    Your parents' marriage has nothing to do with you and i'm not sure why you have the idea you can manage that? It's between your Mom and Dad, not you, your mom and dad. It's bizarre to even think you are!

    No you don't know what will happen with their marriage. It's up to your parents to decide.

    If your dad has "a good amount of money" then that's good for your Mom because she will get a good portion of it if they get divorced and it's called out that he's been cheating.

    But why not leave it alone and let your parents handle their marriage. It's THEIRS, not yours.

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  • RP
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Of course, this is of concern to you, but you have to realize you can't change what your mother and father decide to do in the face of this difficult situation. Rather than letting it get the best of you or causing you undue stress, try your best to be supportive of your mother, but also avoid taking sides. That is a difficult and delicate balance, but, even if your parents do divorce, they are still your parents.

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  • 2 months ago

    Hmmm. While parents should be monitoring their children's activities, how come you have been monitoring his? If he is cheating, it's very surprising that he hasn't hidden them - it's easy enough I assume (I'm not on any myself). If this is genuine, I would write a letter to your father telling him how very unhappy his behaviour is making you (and your mother). Not an angry or blaming letter, just explaining how very worried you are about your future, etc. I would keep it reasonably short. Write about your feelings without mentioning your mother too much - she is an adult. 

    Nobody can get into another person's marriage, not even children of that marriage - at least until they are quite a bit older. It takes two to have a relationship, and on the whole people very happy in their relationships don't want to look elsewhere. I am not defending your father, of course. Of course there are all sorts of resources you and your mother can access to ensure that you are not left destitute - advice and support centres locally and on the internet, lawyers, etc. 

    You could call 1-800-4ACHILD if in the U.S.A., or Childline (0800 1111) in the U.K. No doubt other countries have similar free phone lines. Canada is 1-800-668-6868, Ireland:  "https://www.childline.ie/ https://www.childline.ie. Australia: https://kidshelpline.com.au

    Good Luck!

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