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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Are we headed for a divorce?

We’ve been married for four months, but I am feeling tired of the marriage. I love my husband very much but I’m just tired. We are both in our late twenties and without children. We talk daily and spend a lot of time together, but he insists on following gender roles but only to the extent that it’s benefiting him. He wants to be the man and say that as a woman I am the flower and should be pretty. He wants me to wear this lingerie or have my nails done or this or that. He refuses to to clean without me making a fuss about it. Sometimes he slips up and say that a woman should do x,y, and z. He even sent me a video a few days ago with a man saying how a man should provide and maintain. Honestly, that’s fine but he expects me to pay bills just like him. He sometimes ask if I can loan him money for his tuition or portion of the bills. He never gives me money. Nevertheless...When we dated, he cooked and cleaned and never asked me for money. I wouldn’t say he ask for money often but he doesn’t mind telling me about what I need to do as a woman. 

I’ve talked with him about my feelings but he hasn’t changed. On one hand, he wants me to be prim and proper but on the other hand, he wants me to pay bills or help him with his bills. 

Advice?

6 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Honestly hun, it doesn't sound like a very healthy marriage. I would see a marriage counsellor if I were you. Don't be a doormat, if you're not comfortable wearing something, don't do it. If he tries to force you to do dishes or laundry, only clean the plate YOU ate off, only wash your clothes. Leave all of his stuff and he'll sharp learn

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    How long did you date before getting married?  I ask because it's obvious the 2 of you don't have even basic couples communication, let alone the mature communication needed in a marriage.  Parts of this sound like he's almost a stranger to you!

    When you say you've talked about your feelings, this is a good start, but it's possible the things you're now learning about him are too big of a disconnect to get past.  If it's only been 4 months, what else will you discover during the coming months? 

    Nobody can tell you what to do, but it sounds like you won't make it unless you get marriage counseling.  You'll learn how to handle your differences, and you'll learn much better communication tools.  If one or both of you don't want to do this, you won't make it long term, because that means one or both don't care to put in the work to save it.  

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  • PAMELA
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Oh yes, serve him divorce papers, get out of there, now!

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  • 2 months ago

    He hooked you when you dated. acting like the perfect guy to be married to.

    Now that you are trapped in a marriage with him, he's making you do all the work and asking you for money besides.

    Get out of the marriage now before you have kids with this manipulator, you will be doing all the work.

    Don't feel bad, many men act nice to a woman when they date and put their best foot forward to trap a girl into marriage, but show their true colors afterward, and It's shameful.

      

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  • If he wants to be the traditional breadwinner, then that means he's the one bringing in money to pay the bills and provide for you. Which isn't happening. Money is one of the biggest causes of divorce (not for anything but this is a discussion/agreement you should have had well before tying the knot). All of which means he's not upholding his end of the deal. Proceed accordingly.

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  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If you’ve tried talking to him and things haven’t changed, time to make your point another way. Next time you cook or clean, provide him with a bill for the services rendered. If he wants you to do your nails, tell him it’s $25 plus tip. That kind of thing. When he has an issue with that, you tell him that if your part is the cooking and cleaning, and his part is providing and maintaining, he better start providing. 

    Or you just stop doing those things for him. Do your own laundry, cook your own food, keep the house as clean as you are comfortable with, but don’t do anything extra for him.

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