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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 2 months ago

How to deal with an abusive friend?

I don’t know what happened to my old best friend, he did not behave this way since I’ve met him for the first time in High School. We have been friends for over 11 years, now no longer hang out as often because both of us have graduated from High School long ago already. Back in 11 years ago, he was a kind person, funny and generous friend. Now that he has been behaving really abusively, even yells at his own biological mom and uses verbally abusive language towards me due to his anger issues. His mom and I have both addressed his behavior before, he then apologized and promised that he will change, but it has been months ago and I still have not seen any change at all. I understand that he has been suffering severe head pain, but it is still no excuse for him to be abusive towards and towards his mom just like that. When he I needed me, I was there for him to support him in times of pain and suffering, I bought him birthday gifts, I invited him to come to fun events, even his mom also planned fun events for the 2 of us and I even bought a movie for him that he loves the most be the wanted the movie and I bought with my own money that I have worked really hard for. Now even in when times that I need him for support in dealing severe depression, he yells, using abusive language. He even wanted to hit his own mom as well. His mom even apologized to me for her son's unexcused behavior as she understood that I was really upset.

Update:

Even his dad was also really abusive. His dad was a wife beater, made threats against my friend's mom. My friend's dad was verbally, mentally and physically abusive and often used curse words right in front of him. This man was drunk and physically abusive. Suddenly, someone called the Police and the man escaped to another country, knowing that the cops were coming to arrest him. 

4 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    You cannot do this ; your friend needs therapy, including anger management. He learned this from his father's example, often the case. His pattern of explosive anger, followed by remorse and apologies, is typical.  You can choose to let him know that you will not tolerate his abuse any longer, and that until and unless he seeks professional help , until he can demonstrate results in the form of positive change, you can no longer be in a friendship with him.  Its like alcohol addiction, the person themselves has to want to change, and be willing to do the work.  And yes, he should also be seeking help for the pain in his head, but don't assume that this may be the sole cause of his acting out.

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  • 2 months ago

    He probably needs to get that head pain diagnosed. A significant chane of behavior can be caused by pain, brain illness, or drugs.

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  • 2 months ago

    Sounds like he has developed mental or physical health issues. He needs help I think. Not easy

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  • Jeff
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Sounds like your friend is a little entitled cry baby. Time to cut ties and nope out of there. He will drag you down with him if you stick around and it’s not worth it. He needs some tough love right now or he’ll continue to act like a baby.

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