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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 2 months ago

Social distancing is slowly killing my relationship?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 1 year and we’re both in our 20s. The way we met was fate and we talk to each other everyday.

Since this social distancing lockdown has come in place, we’ve not seen each other for nearly 1 month now.

The first two weeks we were still talking like normal, until last week when I confronted her with anger that I always see her on social media, she replies to me hours later and I feel she’s addicted to her phone and social media. She replied back saying what else I expect her to do and she feels I’m always complaining when she wants to do stuff for herself and be alone. Then a few days after she says sometimes she’s worried she’s not ready for a relationship because of commitment and wanting to do stuff without me.

I believe this is either because I had a go at her and she feels some type of way now?

And I think the lockdown has just added depression and stress to us, especially her after I had a go at her and maybe she has more time to think things?

I’ve been told give her space which I’m doing now, we speak casually now and she still ignores some of my messages and chooses not to reply to them, especially when it’s about relationship stuff (I miss you) etc. She doesn’t even say it back when I said I miss her yesterday.

Do you think she’s just stressed and doesn’t know how to handle it all with the relationship?

What can I do to fix the problem apart from give her space?

I’m clingy and need to talk to someone on that level all the time

10 Answers

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  • Edna
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    "Social Distancing" isn't a law; it's only a recommendation. It means to try to stay at least 5 feet away from strangers in public places -  it doesn't apply with your family and friends. Nobody is "locked down". You can leave your house and go wherever you want to go and visit your friends, whenever you want to do so. 

     

    If your girlfriend ignores your messages and chooses not to reply to them, especially when it’s about "relationship stuff", it's not because she's stressed or because of social distancing or lock-downs. That's her excuse because you're so clingy all the time, as you have said you are. She's really letting you know that she doesn't care if she sees you  or talks with you at all, and that she's beginning to lose interest in you. The bloom is off the rose (so to speak). The bloom probably started coming off the rose when you "had a go" at her.

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  • 2 months ago

    "one year"

    "the way we met was fate"

    "I've been told to give her space; I say 'I miss you'"

    "I think she's just stressed"

    "I'm clingy" 

    yeah, this relationship needs a lot of growing up. You've gotta be able to handle yourself on your own for a while. I think this is mostly your problem. If she's taking more and more space, it's probably because she's just now realizing she NEEDS more space. And if it takes a pandemic for her to find comfort in silence, that's not good. You need to be your own person. A relationship isn't two halves to make a whole, it's two wholes that make a sum. Find ways to let go, and give her and yourself space, and the relationship might thrive, but if you keep badgering her or wanting to talk when she doesn't, you'll hold yourselves back.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    To some extent I think your gf is into herself and attention more than into your relationship. But at the same time I think you are too into her. Both of you are a problem. She's just not that into you and you are too into her.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If it cannot cope with this, it is not strong enough 

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  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    "I’m clingy and need to talk to someone on that level all the time"

    Dude, darn near ANYBODY would find that level of neediness tiresome to the point of exhausting. You need to have some inner resources of your own, not depend on others like this. You sound like some kind of "energy black hole" that sucks in and destroys whatever gets close. No wonder she wants more emotional distance from you. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Your relationship wasn't as strong as you thought and then you seem to have killed it by telling her off for being on social media in a lockdown situation. Not a good move on your part was it. Now you are feeling the effects. She now knows that the Mr.Nice Guy she was with has got a grumpy and impatient side to his character who seems to think he can run her life and criticise her. I doubt she'll remain your g/f for long after lockdown.....if it survives, that is. You are too young to settle down anyway so move on when she dumps you.

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  • 2 months ago

    Hey, sorry you're having such a hard time :( I completely see where you're coming from, relationships can be so difficult at the best of times, let alone when you can't see your bf/gf because of a pandemic! 

    It's hard when couples have different styles of texting/ staying in touch. With my ex, he was so bad at texting and would reply with one word answers with hours between texts and it made me feel so bad and like he didn't care about me at all. The way I dealt with it was by giving him space and texting him very small messages, irregularly. I thought this would help him to understand what it felt like for me, but it just led us to grow apart even more if I'm honest. I wish I had been more honest and upfront with him about how I was feeling and maybe we could address the problem instead of ignoring it. In my opinion, talking about problems like this openly is so important because she might not realise how it makes you feel unless you tell her. 

    Have you tried having phone/video calls with her? I can't see my current bf because of this virus either, and it's helping us so much to chat over video call once a day. This can be for even just half an hour to an hour, but it's so much more personal than texting and you feel like you're with the person a bit more. We might not text much throughout the day, but the video call really helps. 

    I hope you can work things out, completely get where you're coming from! Stay safe :)

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Honestly, if the relationship cant survive a little social distancing in time of crisis, its not a very strong relationship to begin with

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  • 2 months ago

    Although it'll be hard for you as you describe yourself as 'clingy', you will need to give her 'space', don't keep texting her all the time.  What you'll have to do is find things to do, to keep your mind off of her.  Help around the home and garden or go out to do sport etc.  Not sure whether your part of the world is in 'Lockdown' or are you still able to go to work or work from home.

    This crazy virus situation, will ease soon and we'll all b able to go back to our usual lives, without social distance.  You may realise that perhaps your not ready to commit yourself to someone, who isn't that bothered about returning your text messages.

    Keep safe and sane, get some fresh air every day.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Social distancing is testing all kinds of relationships. Married couples who are living in each other's pockets, staff having to work from home, that's the way it is. We are all in uncharted territory.

    Perhaps you are overthinking all of this because of all the spare time on your hands? 

    Perhaps she is using social media to escape the tedium that being in lockdown causes?

    Perhaps you should find other things to occupy your time other than being online?

    If your relationship was meant to be it will survive.

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