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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 2 months ago

Girlfriend says she’s worried she’s not ready for a relationship? Help!?

My girlfriend has today told me she’s worried she’s not ready for a relationship. Reason are:

- she says everything is ‘we we we’ 

- I have expectations for her to drop everything for me- she says sometimes she wants to do alone stuff for herself- whenever she makes plans for her, I complain saying she doesn’t think about ‘us’ enough

I asked her if it’s more she wants to do stuff by herself without me, or she doesn’t like the commitment in a relationship. She says she’s worried it’s both, and said she thought the feeling would go but having time to think about it has made her worried.

We’ve not seen each other for a month because of this coronavirus, can it be that she’s just had so much time to herself and time to think that maybe she likes alone time? Or she just hasn’t experienced couple time for so long that’s why she’s just overthinking everything?

Also to add; she’s been on social media all day and a few days ago I confronted her and said I feel that’s all she cares about as she replies to me hours later but is online on Instagram. Since then it’s not been the same, when I asked her about if something is wrong a few days later, she says she’s not annoyed, just wants alone time.

I believe this is an excuse to either get back at me or an excuse to not talk to me as much because she’s angry.

But can not seeing each other for a month make her overthink things too much and feel she wants to be alone?

I like her a lot and we love each other, I don’t want to lose her

30 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    Give her space. I broke up with my boyfriend like twice last year then we eloped. You never know how things will end up

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  • Good
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Give her her space.  If she wants to be with you, she will let you know.  There is nothing worse than wanting to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you.  It will tear you apart inside.  Just accept that she is wired differently than you are.  She has her wants and wishes and you have yours.  They may not match up.

    Tell her you understand.  Don't pressure her.  If she thinks she isn't ready for a relationship, then she isn't.  At least not with you.  They tell us these things to save our feelings so they don't have to tell us they just don't want to be with us when they may wish to be with someone else who has or maybe has not come around yet.

    The best way to find out if a girl is into you is to give her space.  She will come around if she is interested.  Girls get so much attention from guys that they don't even have to try to get a guy.  Their biggest problem is getting rid of the ones they don't want.

    .

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  • 2 months ago

    First ask your self did you have you, make it like she has to be at your beck and call and drop whatever she is doing whether with friends, family do what you want?  Do you think, once you get married, the woman or wife should do whatever the man or husband says.  Its true, when you start dating a person man or woman you cut back on time with friends and family.  This is because, half  of spending time with friends and family is to mingle outside and hopefully meet someone special.  But you might have fall in love with her sooner then she has with you, or she likes you and maybe loves you a little but is not in love with you. Pushing her to be closer, more serious, or love you more or as much as you live her, when she is not ready will only end things sooner. Meaning, if you do not push her, she may realize she is not in love with you, and you are not the right one for her. She could realize you are the special one for her, but she needs a little more time to see it.  If you push her before she is ready, even when someone is giving you a good thing, if they force it on you or demand you take it you don;t want it.  The one thing about love, is it has to be by free will.  They just have to love you, not because you say so, or because you love them.  because it is how they feel.  For right now, if she was not ready you might have pushed her too much and what little love feelings she had, you might have pushed out of her.  Its like a flower, if you give it too much water you kill it.  If you give or force your love on her, her love for you will die. And it might have already.  Unfortunately, the stay at home virus thing, is putting every new or troubled relationship on a hold.   Where you were during this break, could be a wake up call for you, to settle yourself down, and hopefully the next time you two meet, some sparks will light a fire in both of you.  But it could be you two were on the turning point of **** or get off the pot, and move on. And she might not have had the feelings like you do, and her feelings for you have dropped because you are a apart.  Frankly if I was dating a person for a few months, and had to be quarantined, we would have done it together.  Obviously she was not at that point to do that.  what ever her feeling she has for you, every time you make it an issue she is not talking to you enough or fast enough, you are adding 1 more reason for her to end  the relationship with you.  I would say its 80% a lost cause.  She is gone.  It all depends what you do from now on. What that is I am not sure. I would talk with some of your friends who are girls for advice. Most important thing to realize and understand is she is just not that into you right now. good luck.   

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  • 2 months ago

    TL;DR        .

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  • 2 months ago

    It honestly sounds to me like she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. You cannot force anyone to love and spend time with you. Much of the time, when this happens, from my personal experience, the girl doesn't want to be committed, but is super sensitive about hurting your feelings, because shes very empathetic. Ending relationships suck! If you really care about the girl, my advice would be to back off and stop smothering her now. It can be very charming at first, but if she has been hesitating to respond for 1month now, it's time to just wait and let her initiate when she is ready. In the mean time, if I were you, I'd start making plans for things to do with old friends, once this COVID-19 thing moves past us. You'll find someone who wants to be with you eventually (when I was in my 20s, my self-esteem was so low, that I never  would've believed that, but it's true).  

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      This is a better answer than the one I gave you.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Clearly you're smothering her with your demands so just stop it. If you have to spend some time apart owing to quarantine it might just save the relationship. The trick will be to not go back to your old ways once it's safe to see each other again.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    She has a life of her own.   Your expectations are more about yourself than her.

    Neither of you are ready for a relationship.... she admits it

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  • 2 months ago

    Give it time. Right now so many people out there are full of anxiety and some are becoming depressed.

    And if all she wants right now is something casual, then what's wrong with that? She's not the last girl you're going to be interested in, i'm pretty sure of that

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    She's lost interest.  Let her go and find a new relationship after the virus is over.

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  • Teal
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The time apart made her realize that she is happier without you. She isn't interested in being on call 24/7 to entertain you or having to justify how she spends her free time. She explained this to you upfront. You outright dismiss her concerns and refuse to accept that you are the problem. You would rather believe that this is all a plot to punish you than take any responsibility for your own behavior. This isn't healthy or normal. She needs to dump you and you need to be single until you learn how to respect boundaries. Let her go and move on with some dignity, don't make her block you.

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