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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 2 months ago

HELP ME!! URGENT ADVICE!!!!??!!?

I love my boyfriend very much. But I feel like we’ve argued every day for a week, we’re struggling not seeing eachother as it is. But at first he wasn’t making effort , we sorted that out and then last night he snapped and said he was going to bed because I thought he ignored me. It’s like we keep sorting things, were fine and then something else happens. I put it down to just a rough patch. We’ve been together over two years now. But I feel like I worry incase we argue too much, like we go through phases of sometimes arguing often and then being fine? But I’m sure this is normal, wel im told it’s normal and all relationships are like that long term anyway? Are we toxic or a bad relationship ? We love eachother to bits and I don’t wanna be without him. But I have severe anxiety, so I keep waking  up every single day draining myself thinking ‘are we a bad relationship’? I know we’re not but I worry. Everyday I over think and drain myself waking up and over thinking something he’s said which wasn’t even worth over thinking. I put stress on him by going on every day, I don’t want to spoil our relationship either. This has been happening for a long time, but he knows I have anxiety and understands it and supports me? Are we okay?

8 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    sounds to me like you're one of those that is always looking for ways to be a pain in the butt.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You may be "toxic" in that you apparently have some mental health issues. But using that word to describe what sounds like a very typical relationship with all the normal mismatches in expectation is a bit over the top. "Toxic" relationships involve brain washing, abuse, addiction, infidelity, etc. What you've got is just a simple failure to communicate effectively.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You say HE was no5 making effort; no hint you may not be.

    Such squabbling and arguing is NOT normal 

    After more than 50 years together we have never felt that need.

    Maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship yet 

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  • 2 months ago

    In case you haven't noticed, this is a tough time for anyone in a relationship.  Your over-analyzing and overreacting isn't going to help anyone.  You need to take a few breaths, turn off your CAPS key, and look at the bigger picture.

    Being in a state of near lockdown is driving everyone a little stir-crazy.  You and your boyfriend are no exception.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I've been married for 8 years.  Our marriage does not have "

    phases of sometimes arguing often and then being fine."

    I say it's a bad relationship and not normal to go through the ups and downs you are describing.

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  • 2 months ago

    You are both kids or act that way, who do not know what they want. Sent him packing and get a BF who knows how to treat his SO.

    Peace.

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  • car253
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It sounds complicated.   You may need some counseling.   Could be someone has a disorder like bi-polar or something else going on.    No one can tell you if your situation is normal or not.   You need to seek professional help.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Generally, the continuous little arguments have nothing to do with whatever just triggered it. There is something eating at one of both of you much deeper. 

    From what you have said you are anxious and insecure to the point of distraction. You need to just sit down and talk it through with him and see if this issue you are holding is is making him feel insecure or resentful or vis a versa.

    It should be a discussion to see what is really getting under each other's skin. Try to find a solution - couples counseling might help but DON'T lead with that, just keep in reserve if the conversation doesn't make any progress. 

    Since this discussion will need to be initiated by you I wouldn't spring it on him all at once and expect him to just start sharing - better to plant the seed that a civil discussion needs to happen in the near term to help resolve underlying issues to the arguing and help the relationship along. Maybe on a Saturday fix a nice dinner tell him that it will be for the impending discussion - make it a positive experience. 

    If done well, he should respond in a day or two after thinking about it- guys need to digest they don't usually just want to brain dump without thought about bigger issues.

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