promotion image of download ymail app
Promoted
Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Do I have a right to be mad? ?

My daughter is not biologically mine. But I've raised her since she was two years old. Shes 6 years old now and her bio mom left her when she was 2. It took our daughter a VERY long time to get over the fact that she was never going to see her again. She would spend nights crying, daily she would ask why she can't see her mom. After 4 years she was finally at a point where her heart didn't hurt as much. But we just found out from my daughter that her grandmother was showing her pictures of her mom. Reminding her that that was her "actual" mom. Keep in mind my boyfriends parents don't like me. Reasoning being we moved out shortly after we started dating. Anyways my daughter came home asking about her mom and why she can't see her and we are starting to see the signs that we saw when she was 2 of how hurt she is. To be honest I'm beyond angry at his parents for showing her those pictures. Am I in the wrong for being angry about this? I'm mostly upset because we got so far and now I feel like we are right back where we were 4 years ago. 

47 Answers

Relevance
  • car253
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Your saying the girl is YOUR daughter.   That statement says a lot.   You are the MOM.   The bio mom is NOT the mom.   You ARE the real mom.   Let the grandparents know that you are the "real" mom.   The "real" mom is the one raising the kid.     

    You have every right to be angry.   Only problem is right now you have no rights.   You need to either marry the dad or go to court to get "parental rights".    Right now you can only ask your boyfriend to tell the grandparents they can no longer see their grandchild or can only see the kid with "supervised" visits with one of you there. 

    You need to take very seriously that you right now have no rights.  You need to get some rights.   Only going to court and having the judge give you custody or parental rights will give you legal rights.     Go to your local courthouse or law library for help.

    And, you might want to post your state for more help.    Take "parental" rights seriously.    This kid could be taken away from you at anytime by the mom or grandparents.    Do this before it is too late.   Seriously. 

    Source(s): Even if the dad has full custody you can get joint custody. You might want to repost your question under the "legal" category. You need a family attorney. The court may help with that.
    • ...Show all comments
    • car253
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      Please repost your question under the "legal" category for some help with some attorneys.   They know more about the law than I do.   And, make sure to post your state.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Jane
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I think you're both in the wrong here.Firstly, your daughter will never stop wondering about her bio mum, and having feelings about her past- sure the raw pain started to die down as she became settled with you, but it's important that you are open to listening and talking with her about what happened as it's a very important part of her personal history and identity.You can't remove the pain, you can just help her to understand and process her feelings. Secondly, her grandmother should have talked to you before showing pics etc, as you are all the child's family and should be working together to help and support her.I agree with another answerer that it's time for a family confab about this, setting aside the bad feeling between you and focusing on your daughter's needs.You're a great mum and you want the best for her, well done.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It's not about you its about your daughter. You have no rights to be angry. The Grandmother was right to show her what her mother looks like if she has burnett hair and you have blonde hair. She may have asked that kind of questions. Especially since we don't know if your boyfriend is black or Asian. She's 6 and the years will come quickly when she's old enough to ask what really happened to her mom. Its tough to be a substitute mom. Its time for family counsel to prepare what lies ahead.

    • car253
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      wrong.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    No you should be angry. 

    But plan what to do. To keep the situation positive. 

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 2 months ago

    Personally, in principle, everyone has the right to see her bio/gen parents if possible, if they want.  

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    No idea, not enough information to formulate an opinion.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    You have EVERY right to be angry and to confront them on top of it. They're nasty, terrible, and toxic people and you need to tell them that and tell them that involving your daughter in the process of getting hurt just because they don't like you is unacceptable. If i was you i would tell him that she doesn't need to go over there anymore because they're now the ones setting her back and breaking her heart and ruining the progress. It's not okay especially since they did it just to get back at you. That's beyond petty and it's not your fault that so called mother decided to be a selfish b*tch and run away from that little girl. You have every single right to be p*ssed off and she needs to be kept away from them because they're hurting her and it's not okay.

    • ...Show all comments
    • Emily Rose
      Lv 6
      2 months agoReport

      decide to show the little pictures of her "real" mom and saying things like she (the asker) isn't your real mom. That's not the right time when she gets older and starts getting curious then it's okay to tell her. Not when she's too young to emotionally process that.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    You  have a good reason to be angry. Your daughter's grandmother is wrong for having tried to manipulate your daughter's emotions and feelings. And now you've seen the result. She's only 6 though--give her a BIG break here. She can't help it. She probably believes it's someone's FAULT that her mom left--and maybe even her own fault. That's an emotion that's way to complex for a 6 year old to process. 

    Is there counseling you could use for her? And for you too? They can help you navigate what other people do better and give both of you some tools to answer questions your daughter may have. It doesn't matter whose biology is whose here--your task is to raise your daughter the best you can.  

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    i wouldnt let his parents be around her if theyre going to do that

    • marys.momma
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      Is there any way you can move far, far away from those grandparents?

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Kevin
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    given that the coronavirus is taking over the world, just about everyone is going insane/mad. The world will be on lockdown and people will self isolate and social distance for the next 18 months until the vaccine is ready.

    For the next 18 months it will be a living hell on earth, and you will be a prisoner of your own home for the next 18 months

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.