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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 2 months ago

I covered for my Dad so his mistress could be with him until he died two months ago. My Mom found out and lost it and now won't speak to me?

How do I break this estrangement. My Mom knew my Dad cheated but did not know he had returned to his mistress. My Dad asked me to arrange the visits and being divorced myself I understood and did arrange them. My Dad died of a Cerebral hemorrhage at 63 and he had been in declining health from a previous stroke. Since the stroke I was helping him and his girlfriend Lucy come visit when my Mom was away. My mother found out as Lucy was at the funeral. I don't know who told her I made the arrangements for my Dad.

How do I get my mother to let it go and see I was doing it as a daughter for my father at his request? I did not introduce them or anything. Plus it was his only affair that my Mom knows of (I don't know of any others but have wondered and am suspicious).

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    There isn't much you can do if your mom isn't ready to talk.  Let your mom alone for now.  She will talk to you when she's ready.  You should've been upfront with her before you "covered" for your dad.

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  • 2 months ago

    You can't. You can't control what she thinks or feels or says or does. All you can do is apologise and hope she forgives you. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Give her some time and space.  Then reach out and ask HER.  You violated her trust.  She is the only one who can't decide what, if anything, you can do to make amends and reestablish that trust. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Wait until Mom is willing to forgive you.  You have no control over when that occurs.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    'Covered' means lied to your Mother. You work it out.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Make up your own romance fiction.  We are not plot experts.

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  • 2 months ago

    Only you can know why your intentions behind wanting to help your Dad in regards to his arrangement with Lucy and while you may have becoming from a place of daughterly love, be open to considering your Mom's perspective. Your Mom could easily see your choice as a betrayal and she is hurting right now, as well as possibly feeling immense anger at both you and your Dad, and also experiencing an aspect of grief for the loss of a man she once loved. Give your Mom time and space, and also remain connected through cards and emails, so she knows she is not alone. Also consider reaching out to other family members so you are not alone, as you have also lost your father and will be experiencing your own grieving process. Think about how you would feel if the situation was reversed.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    you could try telling her he asked you to do that

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Well, that's a risk you took.  Deal with it Anon if it's true, sounds too much like a trolling attempt.

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