What did I do that was so bad to get me in this situation?

- Childhood Perfect 

- Teenhood - Nightmare

- Youngadulthood - absolute nightmare

- Possibly further - also absolute nightmare

--

So I was wondering what I did that was so bad to be thrown into the world of absolute pain and die in unlimited pain

- Never did anything wrong

- Did not go by no good deed goes unpunished because I watched many people go through their lives doing good things perfectly and not getting armed at all when I did good things and got severely harmed or emotionally hurt almost everyday

- Childhood nobody respected me at all

- Adulthood got injured (explained further in update below)

- Had no capacity to forgive

- Had no capacity to let things go

- Had no capacity to be grateful when I absolutely needed these 3 things/good qualities

- So I came here to think what I did that was so bad to be punished by the universe this much

- I came up with absolutely nothing

- And I just humbly want an answer for 1 person to make up something bad I would have done to deserve a ruined good life and absolute pain Just so I can move on before the bad thing thats been happening or I imagine again happens

(this got deleted I this is a synopsis but I think is enough info for you to give me feedback/suggestion) 

Update:

also

-hosptials did not want to fix my injury at all

- police did not believe me at all and would not call the hosptial

- family was supportive but they could and still cannot help me in any way at all

- I could not help myself, I did thousands of exercises in the last 2 years just to

panic and freak out even ALMOST panicked today and my injury got much worse

on the days I panicked and din't panic

- Even every good thing people did for me just made me 100% sad for some reason

Update 2:

- But since I failed to make myself better through out ANY activity

I am scared to death and since I been scared to death for the past 3-4 years

it has been 120% difficult to help myself

for 3 years my injury wasnt even that bad. Then 3.1 weeks ago it got really bad

out of nowhere

- And since it's part of a dire part of my body it had been making extremely scarying

noises

- Also I got 90% more tired than I had been going for a run/walk 

Update 3:

- Note this is coming from a person who has been an optimist 70% of the time

- Note this is coming from a person who used do never be afraid of anything

- Like I watched 10 horror moves and walked away and slept like a baby

- But like my friend said anyone could watch a movie and not be affected

- Now it's 4-6 years later and I used my time as well as I could, very wisely even

but I could not do a single thing to fix my injury, and remove my mental limitations

Update 4:

- Now it's 4-6 years later and I used my time as well as I could, very wisely even

but I could not do a single thing to fix my injury, and remove my mental limitations

- And now I was about to panic again but before I did that I prevented the panic by asking

for help

Update 5:

- But even though I did not actually get hurt today (injured occured a long time ago, and second

injury occured 2.5 weeks ago), I satill have it in my head that I will likely 99% NOT be ok

which has been bothering me the most

- Don't get me wrong my day hasn't been all bad, but very close

Update 6:

P.S. this is under psychology because it didn't belong anywhere else I think

Update 7:

category edited

Update 8:

note: between teenhood and young adulthood for me was ironically kind of normal

Update 9:

And lastly even doing / eating good happy things didn't even 1% help me

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 4 months ago

    The devil is working hard, all the reason more to open the Bible. God’s arm is not shortened that he cannot save. Old King James Bible is And always will stand sure!!

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    You would've had to do at least 100 genocides or something worse to deserve that. But you seem like an angel so I hope you feel better. 

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