How should I handle this abusive person?
Look, I know it's been said that difficult people make you better but this one is a doozy. I'm in a situation where my family has a caregiver in the home 3 times a week,(about 20 hours) and often She really is needed by my Parents. However, when they're not around She becomes verbally abusive to me. This has been an ongoing problem and it's obvious, despite previous conversations about Her behavior, She's not going to change. As of today I've voiced to my Mother that I want Her fired. -BUT- She seems reluctant to do so, because She doesn't want to part ways on bad terms. This woman is 57(I'm 36) is extremely anal, over-emotional, and was previously a Teacher in an emotionally impaired program. Between the limitations my controlling Mother puts on me and this overbearing woman, I've had it. If I'm forced to deal with Her presence even longer, what shall I do?
- Anonymous4 months agoFavourite answer
Why are you taking verbal abuse from this woman? You're an adult. Act like it. Tell her that you'll no longer take her abusive behavior. If you can't do that, then move out.
- Emily RoseLv 64 months ago
I'm not trying to be rude and I'm not sure how far fetched this idea is based on your situation that I have no clue about but you could just move out of the house. You're a grown man I don't know your whole situation other than what you've written down but usually if people don't like the way things are at home they leave the nest to be independent and live by their own set of rules.
- FoofaLv 74 months ago
If she does a decent job with your parents and they like her you should just butt out and go home. If you don't have your own home to go to at nearly 40 then THAT'S the real problem here.
- wldswedeLv 64 months ago
Why is she over if your parents are not around when they are the ones she is coming over for? I would arrange to not be there when she's over... or, you know, move out of your parent's house.
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- Coach SimonLv 74 months ago
Your parents need a caregiver - but NOT this one! Set up a hidden camera to show your parents if you need to. Why are you there when your parents aren't?
People who are feeling confident and secure and have self respect don't feel a need to call people names, criticise, bully, shout, etc.
Bullies want attention, and my general feelings are that if people allow them to get their way through fear (the ultimate emotional reaction) they are succeeding and will continue. One way to combat verbal bullying is not to ignore them completely as this shows that they are getting to you, but demonstrate that you have heard the remark or whatever with a glance, dismissive wave or brief response ("oh yes", or similar) and THEN ignore them. Why should you care what such a pathetic person thinks of you? (Only weak and needy people feel a need to bully). Alternatively, or in addition, try to use some humour (U.K. spellings!). It need not be mocking humour, but some light-hearted banter can often diffuse situations.
Put on an imaginary suit of golden armour, and visualise the unkind remarks (or those you perceive to be unkind - be very careful not to imagine a slight when none is intended) as arrows, harmlessly bouncing off your armour and falling to the ground.
If the abuse is physical, you could join a martial arts or self defence class. Or even check out some moves on Youtube. Learn to defend yourself without retaliating.
- PearlLv 74 months ago
you could always move out or ask the company to send someone else
- Ace ShortyLv 74 months ago
You say you got Parents, what does your dad have to say about this? Let me tell you something, record the way she talks to you and let your mother listen to it and she what she thinks.
- choko_canyonLv 74 months ago
The way to deal with this of course is to get your mother to agree that her presence is a negative rather than a positive. At that point if the only thing preventing your mother from firing her is a fear of 'parting on bad terms', that can be easily dealt with by any number of white lies. For example, your mother can inform the caregiver that she's considering going into assisted living and will no longer need her services. Or that YOU have decided to devote yourself to your mother's care part time, and that again her services are no longer necessary. You can come up with a plausible story if your mother wants to, but the problem here seems to be that she doesn't want to. That's your hurdle.
- chris nLv 74 months ago
Who employs her? An agency? Contact them and complain. Is she good for your mother? If she is, you'll have to put up with her - but she shouldn't abuse you in your own home. Maybe, at 36, you could get a home of your own.....or just keep out of the woman's way on the days she attends your mother.
- Kiss Me KateLv 74 months ago
you are 36--your parents have a caregiver---move out!!! if they have to pay for full time help--then let them pay for full time help. as an adult you need to take care of yourself.--then you will have something to give to others.