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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

My great-uncle is frail. If my Dad objects to me travelling to the funeral how do I try to just go and not let him hold me back, read below?

My father is not as controlling as this may sound. However, like anyone he has his moments. When his uncle dies I would like to attend the funeral. The uncle lives in Atlanta area as do 2 of his 5 kids and I went to college at Emory University for 2 years and go to know them all well. They had me over for family events like I was a nephew even though I was their cousin's son. I know some of his grandkids also though there were a lot younger.

When this great-uncle dies I would like to travel to Atlanta for the funeral. I live, as does my father, in the Phoenix area so it is a long hall. For me it is a must. However, I mentioned it to my father and he said "Mike, why are you making plans for something that has not happened". That means he was really saying "don't go". I am an adult living on my own but I work for my father. So technically he could say no to the time off. More likely he will just get angry and raise his voice like I am 12 (I am 37).

So how do I get him to approve and how do I react when he begins to argue it? I think his reason for arguing it is I care too much about family he feels. I am passionate about keeping close to extended family and cause I have OCD there are times I worry too much about it. However, the passion is sincere. Also, and likely the main reason, is he will not want to go and me attending will make him look bad.

So what do I do when this situation comes? The man is not at deaths door but 88 and getting weaker I am told.

Update:

I should note his kids that live in Atlanta I remain close to. A 3rd one of them I know also though the two from NY I have only met at reunions. So I would be going for the 2 I remain close to. 

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Where I come from an adult takes responsibility for themselves which means they do not need to seek approval from their parents anymore and can do things without mentioning it too. Also where I live we don't make plans to go to funerals while people are still living. To do so is to monger death. Do you want to be known as a death monger?

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  • 1 month ago

    You are 37 years old. Do what you want to do. Just make sure that you have the money to go for the transportation there, food, hotel and back.

    I don't think your father is saying you can't go because he asked, "why are you worrying about this now?" I think it was a straight forward and reasonable question, why are you worried about this now? Is he actually on his deathbed or not? Perhaps, it's hard for your father to deal with things that have not happened yet which is why he asked you why worry now.

    Either or, I'd just go. If you work for anyone else, they have to let you go when there is a death in the family. Especially if you are giving him a heads up that you plan on going.

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  • 1 month ago

    i would just go anyways

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would go anyways, he cant stop you

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