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My husband married me knowing I will have nothing left and now threatens me with divorce whenever we argue. What should I do? ?

I lived in a strict Asian household with little to no rights. Eventually, at the age of 22, I managed to get out and live by myself.

I decided to marry him and in June and no one knew. I should mention that he was from Manchester and I was from London. 4 days after that we had a huge fight and I brought up divorce, I felt as though I made a huge mistake in marrying him. Eventually, I moved up to Manchester.

Since August 2019 I never brought up the D-word. 

Sometime later, he discovered photos from my past I forgot about. He told me he wants a divorce. I literally begged him and eventually, he forgave me. Anytime we argue over something small he brings up my past and divorce in order to hurt me. 

We had another huge argument on Saturday night, the night we had the religious ceremony his parents wanted. He rented out a car and scratched the alloys on the wheel. I told him it is what it is and he will just have to pay for it. He got upset that I kicked him when he was already down. I only said that so he stops stressing as he does the same to me. I apologized and he kept turning around saying I am not sorry, and manipulative.

I went downstairs and he kept following me. He brought up divorce again. He said my ex and said he must have beaten me for a reason. He said no one can love me. I said he’s worse than my ex and emotionally abusive. I said all his exes cheated and left him. I told him he ruined my life.

If he divorces me I have nothing and no one to go back to.

5 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    "I managed to get out and live by myself." You have done that once, and you CAN do that again.

    It might take time. It might mean sharing a house til you are more financial. It might mean going home for a year or two. Whatever it takes you CAN get there. You have proved that by doing it once. So do that again.

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  • Tj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Get out, get a job and get prepared to move on.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Here's a thought... You live in a developed nation where education is very inexpensive. Instead of trying to postpone the inevitable and remain in this clearly dysfunctional marriage you should get the job skills you need to be a functional member of society and just let him divorce you. Being this financially dependent on a terrible marriage is very dangerous.

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  • RP
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you continue to threaten each other with divorce every time you have a disagreement, eventually divorce will be the only path open to you. If you cannot control your tempers to avoid hurting and insulting each other, things will easily be blown out of proportion and it's only a matter of time before your marriage will fail. If you don't want to give up your marriage, you need to start communicating and cooperating.

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  • 1 month ago

    You have yourself and never "go back" to anything or anyone. Always "go forward".

    As you said, at 22 you managed to get out and on your own. Guess what, you did it! I believe that you can do it again.

    You just have to remember that you've done it already and have the confidence that you can do it again.

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