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Ella asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Am I too young for a baby?

I've just turned 20 years old and really want a baby. I have always wanted to have children and be a full time mum. I still live at home with my parents, sister and my boyfriend stays round every night. My family is quite wealthy and we live in a big house and my parents would be both supportive, however would discourage me to have a child this young. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now and we have spoken about marriage and children, we defiantly know we want to be together and are both perfect for each other. I'm currently doing a project management apprenticeship and he is doing an electrician apprenticeship, each earning a monthly salary of around £1,500 after tax. We both have around £40,000 each in our savings account. I keep dreaming of having children every night and am so hooked on the idea that I just can't wait. Am I capable, or am I not being sensible, please help.

24 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    I just had a baby and its exhausting. My advice is get all your other ducks lined up in a row first. I had a terrible pregnancy that ended me almost dying and my daughter being 10 weeks premature, and staying in the nicu over 2 months. Not everything goes as planned. So if you feel like you are as prepared as you can be and ready for everything to fall apart, and have a saftly net for that. Then yes you are ready to be a mom. I could not have done it with my husbands constant support and presence 

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  • 1 month ago

    look, you can have a baby anytime. you just need to be more prepared to dedicate your life around this kid. That means you cant just hope that your parents will help so that you can still enjoy your youthful life as well. Having a child is a full time job. Its not only financially but mentally you have to be ready as well. 

    How committed is your bf? How committed are you? 

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  • 1 month ago

    No, you're not too young and no one can stop you. I have a feeling you will be a great mom. How long will it take you to finish your apprenticeship? My wife had our 1st when she was 16 and she took care of our kids better than any of my SILs and I had 5 of them. She became my mothers favorite DIL because of the way she took care of our kids, and my daddy liked her too. How long will it take to finish your apprenticeship? What age was your mother when she married your father? I think you might want to wait a year or 2 after you get married to make sure everything is working out well with your b/f before you start trying to get pregnant. Make sure he is ready to be a stay at home father with you, not someone who wants to go out with his friends and party.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i dont think so

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  • 1 month ago

    Whether or not you are capable is left to be seen, but because you aren't in the position to be financially independent now, your ability to support a new life isn't likely either. But you should also understand dreaming of giving birth isn't about having children, but about having a new life different from your present one. Maybe it is time to leave the nest and try to make it on your own.

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    I don't see why you can't but that doesn't mean you should right now.  Best to wait five more years then you'll be married and own a home.

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  • 1 month ago

    At twenty, you are still learning about your adult self. While you come across as sensible and grounded, I feel that people do need to live on their own for a time before trying to live with another person. You do have twenty or thirty year of fertility ahead of you, so you really don't need to rush into things. 

    We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long  - and people in love always behave at their best! Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.  

    Of course, only you can really decide upon this, but I would urge to wait at least another year.  

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  • 1 month ago

    If you’re depending on your parents to support you and your kids then you’re not ready to be a mother. 

    You’re still living at home so you’re not ready. 

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  • 1 month ago

    You arent a fully fledged adult yet, that would be my concern. You dont have your own home, an established career, and as you live with parents, how much life experience can you have?

    It takes MUCH more than money to raise a child, they deserve well rounded parents who have already achieved in life rather than ones who dont have a home, a full education, full time job/career and lived life

    What is the rush?

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  • 1 month ago

    Just don't get pregnant on purpose, your boyfriend will never forgive you. Maybe you should start out by getting a puppy, see how you do.

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