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Sexless marriage ?

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. 

For the first 2 years our sex life was great, had it’s occasionally dry spells but nothing more than a week or two. We had fun , we were spontaneous. I didn’t have to beg, I mean it flowed. 

Fast forward 3 years. No sex, barely touches and the extremely rare occasion (once every few months) he sees me naked and we have a quickie. He gets off, I’m left in the dust to take care of myself later on. 

I’ve tried therapy, he won’t do it. I’ve tried getting his t levels tested. That’s normal. I’ve tried getting him to seek out help for depression. He won’t do it. I’ve tried changing my look, he doesn’t even notice and that doesn’t increase his appetite. I’ve tried lingerie, worked once years ago. I dress cute and sexy he don’t seem to care. I’ve even suggested open relationship to get sexual satisfaction and he can’t do it. He says ; “he can’t live with knowing another man ****** me” I told him he could seek sexual attention elsewhere. I’ve suggested maybe a 3some. He ain’t having that either. 

I’ve tried talking with him, asking his preferences, asking what I can do to help. I’ve cried , pleaded, withheld, initiated, not initiated . Tried date nights. No luck. 

Every other man in my life fancies me and flirts with me, even his friends. I’m a young, attractive, intelligent and confident women. But my own husband doesn’t notice. Why? What am I doing wrong?

49 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    get a new man :)

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  • 1 month ago

    I think he is likely addicted to pornography. This would explain his lack of intimacy in real life and why he is so distant. Praying for you!

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  • 2 months ago

    wow, you're a "women"?

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    he’s cheating on you or you are wack 

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  • 2 months ago

    Take a separate vacation and come to CENTRAL TEXAS for a long weekend of fun and games...

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  • 2 months ago

    The only thing I  can see that you have left is to divorce him or tell him you are going to because you don't want a sexless life and if he can't or won't keep up his end of the bargain then you will get a divorce, then move out.

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  • ANDREW
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    As a man i genuinely can’t see a god reason for this after reading everything you’ve tried and no luck, the thing is your trying to fix a problem that isn’t a problem to your husband so he’s no willingness to try, I’m sorry but in my opinion and this is my opinion only, you've tried your best and he’s shown no care for how low he seems to make you feel or anything, he’s not interested by the sound of it and cares little for your feeling or needs, so can you carry on in a sexless marriage or do you call it a day and find a man that will worship you and appreciate you without you even making any effort?the trouble your going to hard work for no gain, I mean my missus can sit there in pyjamas and I still want her to ride my face put her in lingerie etc then I’m not stopping until i have to

    • Mr. L.
      Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      Andrew is 100% correct.  If your husband was an alcoholic and didn’t stop drinking, it’s not because of you, it’s on him.  Same here, this is his move, you’re going to either live with this mess of a man or decide to make a change.  If you decide to make a change, write out a plan with a timeline.

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  • 2 months ago

    What about your relationship outside the bedroom?

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  • 2 months ago

    When couples are missing the closeness that they once had and not feeling loved, a lack of time together is a major part of the problem. Often times that is brought on by conflicts in the relationship. Ongoing conflict and negative feelings about the partner and the relationship play a role in avoiding spending time with each other. Who wants to expose himself or herself to a person or situation that is just going to hurt their feelings? Although any couple has to work through the conflict to restore a desire to spend time together, they have to spend time together to work through the conflict.

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  • Iam
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Have you asked him? What did he say?

    Does he love you?

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    • Iam
      Lv 6
      2 months agoReport

      1. An affair (possible); 2. Too much porn; (likely) 3. Depression / stress / other medical issue; (do you think so?) 4 Has he come out to HIMSELF as gay / bi? (you know him best); 5. Is he harbouring some grudge, some percieved injury that he blames you for? (far fetched?)

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