Would you find out the gender of your baby?
So I am a first time mummy and 13 weeks pregnant. I can't wait to find out the gender of the baby on my 20 weeks scan. My mum, hubby and inlaws are all telling me not to find out the gender and to keep it a surprise. I told them that I want to know but I won't tell them if they don't want to know. I really want to find out as it will make me less anxious and more excited with my pregnancy as I suffer from really bad anxiety. I know it's up to me and I shouldn't be listening to what others are telling me. My inlaws live in India and are really backwards they even told me not to buy any baby clothes or baby furniture untill the baby is born. When I asked them well then what will my baby wear when its born and they said that they will bring old clothes from when their first grandchild was born. I live in the uk and I am westernised and can't stand when they tell me that my baby has to wear old clothes and not to find out the gender. At the end of the day it's my pregnancy and I feel like I am getting controlled. Am I being selfish or should I just listen to them? Any suggestions?
- sarahLv 55 months agoFavourite answer
You are absolutely NOT being selfish. Personally, I think it's ridiculous for them to suggest waiting until after the baby is born to buy anything; you'll either be exhausted or just too busy soaking in all that new baby sweetness to think about shopping. Also, while I think getting hand-me-downs is awesome because you get a little break from spending money, lol, I would NOT have wanted to bring my baby girl home from the hospital in a hand-me-down outfit. You deserve the fun of picking out a special outfit that is all the baby's own.
Also, if I were you, I would DEFINITELY find out the gender! If no one else wants to know until the baby is born, fine, good for them, they don't have to know. But if you feel like knowing would make YOU feel better and less anxious, then by all means, go for it! You don't even have to wait until 20 weeks; get online and buy a Sneak Peek test. It's a tad pricy, and if you're like me and don't like needles or blood, it'll be kind of a sucky experience, but it's SO worth it! My doctor told me that as long as you follow the instructions completely, the test is over 99% accurate; he's only ever seen it come back wrong twice, and one of those times was traced back to the instructions not being followed, so it doesn't even count.
As you stated, this is YOUR pregnancy. Do what makes YOU happy and what makes YOU feel at ease, and don't worry about anyone else's opinions.
- LizBLv 75 months ago
Your mother and in-laws don't get a say, this is between you and your husband alone. If HE feels strongly that he wants to be surprised, then I think it's worth taking his feelings into account. But if you strongly feel that you want to know in advance so you can prepare, he should take your feelings into account, as well, and you'll need to sort the decision out between the two of you.
If you want, perhaps you could compromise by doing a "gender reveal" sometime during your last trimester. It doesn't have to be a big to-do like the trend of gender reveal parties in the US, it could be something just between the two of you or maybe some close friends.
- ♥Sweetness♥Lv 75 months ago
Firstly, your pregnancy, your rules. If you don't want your baby in old clothes, then that is your right and decision. Stand by it. If you hurt feelings so be it.
Secondly, not sure why you would have anxiety about the gender of your child. You are going to find out what the gender is, that is a definite fact, so anxiety about it is really a non-issue.
Personally, I see no reason to find out early. Everyone always says that it is to be able to know what to buy. That is dumb. A baby doesn't care what it wears, as long as it is warm. A baby doesn't care what the room looks like, as long as it is comfortable. This trend of finding out the gender early is only for the parent's benefit. not for the baby.
- EdnaLv 75 months ago
They're just throwing out suggestions and giving you their opinion, as all to-be grandparents do. Whether or not you want to listen to them and agree with what they say is entirely up to you, and it shouldn't cause you any anxiety.
If I were pregnant, I would NOT want to know the sex of the baby before it was born - and it has nothing to do with the clothes the baby might wear.
I wouldn't want to know in advance because, if I had my heart set on a girl and I was hoping for a girl and I found out I was carrying a boy, I might be so disappointed that I would resent the fact that it was a boy and I might resent being pregnant with a boy, but yet I had to continue carrying him.
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- AfiladoLv 65 months ago
It’s your baby. Ignore their guilt trip. Live your life and tell them whatever they want to hear and they will be happy grandparents.
- TomLv 45 months ago
Tell them: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!"
- Anonymous5 months ago
Do what you want.
- Emily JLv 75 months ago
Do what you want and just don't tell them when you find out. They are in India after all, it's no like they can check up on you that easily. You do need the furniture, not like you can go out and buy that right after you have a baby. As to the clothes you don't even need to buy lots, just a couple outfits and then when THEY find out what you had they can go get more.