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Maid of Honor?

   I have no clue who to ask to be my maid of honor.

  I thought about asking my friend of 13 years. I know she's expecting me to ask her. But she, 1, lives in another state, and 2, will make it about her. She's very vain and self-centered. I feel like she will cause me more stress than anything. 

My other choice is my friend of 5 years. She lives in the same town I do, she's less likely to stress me out, but she's all talk, no action. I feel like nothing will get done and I'll end up having to do everything myself or get cancelled on by her. 

  My third option is my older sister. We aren't extremely close though. She's also maid of honor in her best friends wedding that's in this October. Mine will be in April next year. I feel like she won't want to really help or plan anything, when she's already got so much other responsibilities with her friends wedding.

 I don't really have anyone else. I just feel really sad because I really want someone to be there supporting me and helping me with everything. I love all the girls I have but I don't think they will care enough or take any of it seriously. I don't know what to do.

14 Answers

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  • 3 months ago

    I'm with the majority, simply because what they're saying is true.  You're getting some bad info from somewhere.There's  nothing wrong with asking for help if you truly need it, but it would be VERY wrong if you assume they'll agree because it's a "duty" or a "responsibility".   Also, on shower and bachelorette, your only job is to sit back, keep your mouth shut, and wait for someone (not necessarily your MOH) to offer.  If you have good friends, odds are very high someone will do this, but you absolutely cannot ask anyone to throw one for you. 

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Seems like it doesn't matter who you choose you'll still have to do everything yourself.  I would choose a sister or cousin if you have some.

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Haley, you know you can have more than one made of honer so no friends gets hurt

    • sarah
      Lv 4
      3 months agoReport

      My cousin got married a couple weeks ago and didn't even have one.

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  • 3 months ago

    It’s not the Maid of Honor’s job to plan YOUR wedding. It’s up to you and your fiancé.

    Your closest friend should be MOH. Not the best helper, not the one who lives closest, not the one with the most time on her hands - it’s an honor (not a job) for your best friend. Period, end of story.

    If you cannot pick your closest friend from the bunch, then just do not ask someone to be a MOH. Ask them all to be bridesmaids. If you’d rather not have any bridesmaids, then just don’t ask anyone at all.

    Asking someone to be your MOH or even a bridesmaid with the expectation that she must/should help you plan your wedding is a surefire way to start stupid drama and tick off your friends.

    You can wait to see if they offer to help, or you can politely ask for help, but you shouldn’t EXPECT them to help. And not for nothing but wedding planning isn’t rocket science - if you can’t plan one without a team of supporters assisting you then that’s a problem of your own doing, dear.

    • ...Show all comments
    • drip
      Lv 7
      3 months agoReport

      No MOH or bridesmaid has ever had a responsibility to help. They can choose to throw a shower or bachelorette do. 

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  • 3 months ago

    Your initial problem is to expect hand holding during your wedding planning....

    Dear, this is YOUR wedding to plan, not to have someone available at your beck and call. If you really need that much help, hire a wedding planner, especially if you and the groom are not capible to make decisions.

    It seems like you are confused as to the roll of a MOH. She is to plan your bridal shower and help you select a dress...and to help you get ready on your wedding day.

    I would pick your sister as friends come and friends go, but a sister is a sister for life. So what that she is part of another wedding six months apart from yours.

    The world, your friends and family do not stop their lives while you plan a 240 minute reception.

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  • 3 months ago

    Time out!  You seem to be implying that you expect your MoH to be your wedding planner and helper.  That is NOT the role of your bridal party.  That is your role and that of your fiancé, parents, and hired help.

    All your MoH or other bridesmaids need to do is buy the dress and show up on time and sober for the rehearsal and the wedding.  Sure, they should be supportive of you.  Yes, they can go with you to pick out the dress.  Yes, you can bounce ideas off of them from time to time.

    If you need a professional wedding planner, hire one.  Select the person who "gets you," and will be the most willing to put up with you.  

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    It's a big ask to get someone to go out of pocket for your wedding and to donate all the free labor expected of a MOH. You could always just go without attendants as many couples do. But the most logical choice would probably be your sister, regardless of her other obligations, because this is something you can easily explain to all the friends you didn't ask. Blood being thicker, et al. And in that case maybe your parents could help her with the expenses if she's not capable of buying the dress, paying for the hen party, etc.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    What are you expecting of your MOH or any attendant for that matter?  Their only job is to show up at the wedding wearing their dress and a smile..  that's absolutely it.  Anything else they offer to do or help with is a bonus.

    Wedding planning is the responsibility of you and your fiance, not theirs.  If they offer to assist, that's fine to accept their offer but there should be no expectation that you are owed services from them.

    Your wedding is top priority to you (and it should be) but not to everyone else, everyone else has lives outside of your wedding and higher priorities.  I've been in a lot of weddings and my life didn't stop moving because I had a friend/family member getting married.  I still had responsibilities at work, I still had kids to take care of and a slew of other things or in other words I still had my own life.

    While I'm at it...  you're also not owed a shower or a bachelorette party.  Those are at someone's offering not because you feel you're owed it.

    Get over yourself.

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Your maid of honor is not your employee.  They are not obligated to do anything but show up for the rehearsal and wedding.   They do not plan your wedding. 

    You and the groom plan the wedding and do the work to get it set. Your groom is there to help and support you with Your wedding. 

    Realize their world doesn’t revolve amour first your wedding. Their school, work, family, friends are not out at a stand still because they are in your wedding.  It will not be a priority for them. Certainly not like it is for you. 

    So readjust your expectations. 

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  • 3 months ago

    Your maid of honour has NO ROLE other than turning up on the day in the dress you've chosen. They are not de facto wedding planners; they don't have to do anything.

    Realistically consider what you're asking your friends to do.

    And pick your maid of honour based on which is your best friend that you want standing up with you; not the best placed to provide free labour.

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