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My mom found my dildo... i'm a guy.?

22 y/o male here. I'm gay but not out. I asked my mom to go and put something away for me in my room but forgot I left my safe open. She mentioned that I had left it open and wants to talk to me. ****. What do I do.

Update:

I feel so awkward, I am avoiding her at all costs. She asked me if I had anything to tell her and I said no. 

8 Answers

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  • HMFan
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Yes, it's awkward. And yes, you feel very exposed and vulnerable, but that's what coming to terms with the Truth does to many people.

    Obviously this is not the way you wanted to come out, but considering her question to you, she KNOWS that SOMETHING is up.

    As difficult as this may be, you need to rally your courage and speak to your Mom as an ADULT, not as child to a parent. You are 22 and responsible for your own agency and life. Through your avoidance and actions you have already sent the message that you are embarrassed about being gay. Facing up to that can take time, effort, a lot of soul searching, and being brutally honest with yourself. But I'm assuming you're embarrassed about being gay; are you? If you're NOT, then what do you have to lose by telling your Mom?

    When you have this conversation, do NOT apologize for who or what you are. Let her ask questions and try not to flinch if they become rather personal (though I doubt she'll really want specific details about how you use your dildo...) If you are coy or hesitant with answers to her inquiries, she may question your conviction that you really are gay. Be forthright in your answers. Be honest. Be unapologetic. Be proud. Be YOU. Your confidence and conviction about who and what you are will go a LONG way to putting your Mom's mind at ease about you. You don't have to be militant or defensive or overly excited with your answers (in fact, I would discourage that), but DO answer calmly and honestly with a matter-of-factness.

    If you have this convo with your Mom but you're not ready to come out "all over the place," I would advise you to ask that she use discretion when speaking about you. Normally, I would NOT suggest asking someone you're "coming out to" to keep the info under their hat. That's like giving them a secret they may not want but they have to keep it anyway. It's very unfair for anyone to unload the burden of secrecy upon a loved one or close friend, especially something as emotionally charged as this. But in this case seeing as how you've been backed into something of a corner, you need to make it VERY CLEAR that you're not quite ready to tell the world yet and you would appreciate your Mom's discretion. Don't THREATEN her but ASK POLITELY.

    That being said, and once that info is out there, there's very little you can do to control it. People sometimes slip up and say things (or find things in unlocked safes), and once that happens, you really have no alternative but to face the music and let the world know who you are.

    But... baby steps first. Talk with your Mom. Treat her with respect and love (she might be confused, or angry, or dismissive when you tell her). Bear in mind that it's taken you THIS long—22 years—to deal with your true self; don't expect her to be okay with it in five minutes. Give her time if necessary. Keep the door open for questions and concerns. She might surprise you with some adult insights you haven't thought of.

    Best of luck to you. I know this is difficult. We've all gone through it. But trust me: it feels great when you come out on the other side. It DOES get better. All of your LGBTQ+ Brothers and Sisters support you, including me. Be brave. Be proud. Be... YOU!  ——Peace & Contentment.

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  • 2 months ago

    Tell her that you use it for when you have constipation.

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  • reme_1
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You are an adult and probably should be living on your own. Get some info from the gay center that you can share with her and also contact PGFLAG.org- a wondeful support group made up mostly of parents with LGBT kids. They will send you info or call your folks. Since you are not out yet, you need to get to the gay center and talk to the counselor. Meet other guys your age and share experiences. Before you talk to your mom.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Just tell her that men need men in order to be fully functional human beings.

    And until you have the opportunity to find a real man to satisfy you, your dildo is the safest alternative.

    She probably has one too!

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    start profusely masturbating right away!

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  • 2 months ago

    Talk to her. Unless she's a total idiot she already knows, so just say it. 

    If she was upset you'd know it by now, right? So just talk to her about it. If she's like most parents, she'll be glad that you're confiding in her.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Depends, if its dangerous for you to tell her that you are gay then say its not yours and its for a friend who is hiding it with you. If its safe for you to tell her the truth then do it probably the only chance to come clean with her.

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  • .
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If your mother knows that you're gay, she will understand.  If not, you've got some explaining to do.

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