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Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

this is selfish?

tw: self harm

don’t come for me. i know what i’m going to say is so selfish and i don’t mean to be but i’m distraught. 

so as background, a couple months ago, maybe november or october of 2019 i cut myself. it lasted until the end of november and i stopped but still had slightly visible scars but i was better. my parents were aware that i had cut but believed that i wouldn’t again. a couple weeks ago in early february i relapsed. i’ve been feeling totally messed up lately and it just really helped. also recently before i had relapsed one of my closest friends, lily, had begun cutting. she always acted very happy but i knew that she was slightly suicidal and she had been having a rough time so it wasn’t shocking to me. 

my other best friend, aaron, he’s also close with lily, cut for the first time last night. he said oh i don’t even regret it. he also said things like he didn’t want to but felt like he had to. he even made a comment about when someone grabbed his arm, which seemed odd to me because the only time i commented on anything like that when i cut was when i accidentally cut too deep and it left a nasty cut that was very painful for a few days, but all of his cuts were very small.

i don’t exactly feel like he genuinely enjoys cutting and likes it. me and lily have talked and we both agree that cutting is relieving and addicting and he just doesn’t seem like he agrees. as terrible as it seems i just feel like it’s possible that he’s doing it for attention or to fit in.

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