Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 8 months ago

Do I have the right to be upset? Are my feelings valid?

My BF & I have been together for 2.5 years. He moved 1 yr in so we've been long distance since. 

I recently moved to a new state for nursing gradschool. This was a big deal for me bcuz I worked very hard to get into 1 of the best schools in the WORLD & the move was a far one. My BF typically tries to be really supportive, but lately, many of our occurrences keep putting a bad taste in my mouth. To name a few- he visited right before the start of school, I was finishing the furnishing of my new place- I love fashion so decorating has been so nice as it is my 1st apartment alone. 

For the entire time he was here, he would hit me w/ jabs that Im a brat/act entitled bcuz I bought some nice items for my place. He truly killed my excitement. Yesterday, I got myself an "infinity flower" box, bcuz I thought it would hold nice symbolism. They're real flowers that have blossomed now & last 2 years..The exact length of my program. I told my BF about this symbolic gift 2 myself & he laughed. I asked why he's laughing & his response was, "I don't know why you constantly need gratification" "you're in nursing school... like congrats?? (in a very degrading tone- he is a resident physician so he constantly makes demeaning comments like that about nursing..not always realizing it). I asked him why he seems so upset by all this & his response was that he didn't get anything from anyone for medschool, but my family has bombarded me w/ support & gifts, so I should "just get over it already"   

Update:

He comes from a family that never bought gifts or gave much affection... I give him SO much love/gifts/support to try & compensate for his lack in childhood..But why does he even need to compare our lives. Im not entitled. I am excited/proud. I deserve to fully enjoy this period. I want my partner to 100% share that w/ me! Isn't that the point of a partner! 

I have talked 2 him about my feelings.. he apologizes then just repeats that im a brat/"get over it..its nursing school" when he's moody

Update 2:

I am 24. He is 30.

9 Answers

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  • 8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Why are you still with him? He looks down on you. He's jealous of you. He doesn't support you. He's lived apart from you for nearly as long as you were together. This relationship is over my dear and has been dying a death for quite some time. He's a bully. Giving him gifts because he's 'poor little me' hasn't worked has it. He's just more jealous that you get affection from your family while his didn't care for him. I wonder why? Maybe he's not really Mr.Nice Guy as you once thought. He's certainly not acting like it now is he and hasn't been for a long time. It's your apartment. They are your dreams. They are your own little flourishes to decorate YOUR apartment. Not his. He can't bear it can he that you are happy and forward looking. He has to squash anything that you tell him about your life. He has to destroy that happiness - but he's not there to make you happy himself is he. DUMP HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. He's history already. If you ever got together with him again and married him can you imagine what your life would be like? It's always been all about him. You are a very poor second in his life and that's where he wants to keep you.  Yes your feelings are VERY valid.  Mine would be exactly the same as yours only more so.  He's trying to control you from a distance.  What right has he to do that eh?  To someone he dumped a long time ago.  Move on with your much nicer life.

  • Edna
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Face the fact that your long-distance relationship isn't going to work. In fact, it's almost over. 

    Also, face the fact that you are now finding out that you two are two entirely different people. Your hopes, dreams, past experiences, and what you both think is meaningful and important are entirely different. There's nothing either of you can do that will ever change that.

  • 8 months ago

    Your lifestyles are completely different, obviously. You're materialistic, he can't be because his family can't afford to give him gobs of cash for unnecessary things.

  • 8 months ago

    He comes from a family that never bought gifts or gave much affection 

    I did too but I came from a very large family and we didn't have money for gifts and we didn't have much affection shown for us BUT we knew we were loved and we were a happy family.I don't expect gifts from my family either and we don't give our kids, grandkids gifts either, we choose to give them money so they can get what they want.

    I'm sorry to say but to me you make too big a deal out of trivial things so it would seem that I am in there with your guy. It also seems to me that a homosexual guy would be more in line with what you want than a heterosexual male. 

    You know, our kids were the most important thing to us so we never got each other anything at Christmas or on our birthday, if I wanted anything I bought it for myself and I told my wife to do the same. Someone might go out and buy me a sweater, I already had sweaters and didn't need another 1, BTW, I love wearing sweaters but I would have rather had some more golf balls than another sweater. I did buy my wife perfume at Christmas, that was something I could do but when you can't wear it much you can get a bunch built up so there is no sense in buying her more. I liked Estee d Lauder, Chanel Number 5, Gloria Vanderbilt, a set of Elizabeth Taylor and individual bottles of White Diamonds, I don't know who made the Passion I bought her. She still has some very old Tabu that still smells good. 

    I think you should be thinking about the good things you like about him and if they don't outweigh the negative things then you should be moving away from him because you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it and that is pretty much the way men are, you think you can change us after you get us and you can nudge us some but you're not going to get major changes from us. I could care less about how the house is decorated or arranged, all I want when I get home is food, good sex and a chair and tv to watch sports on. We used to watch tv together, now she watches what she wants and I watch what I want, we used to have 1 tv, now we have 4 for just us as our children are grown and gone. One of my sisters said the Bible says, you'll get more out of man with sugar and honey than you will with vinegar, I do believe that to be correct.

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  • 8 months ago

    He should have gifted you infinity flowers instead. Move far away from him (narcissist).

  • funny
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    He’s casual in his talk but you are sensitive! Decide both can sail same boat !

  • 8 months ago

    Ah... you've changed 'doctor' to 'resident physician'......  MUCH more believable.................

  • A
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Yes you do have a right to be upset,  he is who he is and he is not going to change. Think hard about planning a life with him because you are going to be in for dissapointment, you are not going to be able to reward yourself for things that are important to you,  is this how you really want to live the rest of your life?  What about kids? They will also have to live without their father showing any appreciation for their accomplishments.  Think about it, it might be time to move on,.

  • 8 months ago

    If he is unable to support your dreams now, do you really see a future with this man?

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