Am I being unfair/rude?
My bf lives w/ me and my family. His family lives about 30 mins away from us. He works 5-6 days a week and always wants to go visit them on his day’s off. The problem is I really dislike visiting. I just get very irritable when I’m around his family and I don’t know why. My bf doesn’t know I feel this way but he can sense it.
(Just fyi his family is very conservative and have much different values than me they’re against lgbt, pro-life, etc.). Is it wrong that I let their views affect me so much to the point of wanting to avoid them all together? I feel really bad for feeling this way.
- CarolineLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
Well, yes, you are being unfair and rude, but I don't think you intend to be...sometimes people just rub us the wrong way. It can be their opinions or their gum chewing or the way they laugh.
But...you need to work on this for your bf's sake and your own. Remember that your bf loves them, presumably they love him and they raised him...so they must have some good qualities too. Look for those and focus on them.
For example, my grandfather was a terrible racist most of his life, but when I married my (black) husband he was the one who defended me to my parents. He wasn't a super vocal racist (that I saw) but I was aware of it and it bothered me. But he was also a very generous man who left millions to his alma mater so that other students could get an education, which I think is awesome.
Of course, I'm assuming your bf's parents don't sit around and lecture you on the evils of lesbians or something, it's just that you know what they think and you don't think that so it ticks you off.
Well, fine, but yes, recognize there's more to people than the stupid things we think about things we don't truly know everything about, and look for their humanity. Change the subject, compliment the decor/dinner/dog etc.
And if it's too draining for you, don't go with him every time, make a point to see your own friends now and then too.
Hope that helps and good luck.
- something fishyLv 74 weeks ago
Why do your opinions have to be voiced just sit and look pretty and nod...be polite...yes suck it up and grow up.
Honestly I'd say go...enjoy your visit and I'd go shopping and out to lunch alone. I'd not say a thing. Stay home clean house and read, walk dog, soak in bath, walk, join a gym....work on you.
Unfair and rude starts with you...yes you are...
- PatriciaLv 71 month ago
Just go and keep your opinions to yourself. You're in a relationship with your boyfriend, not his family.
- Ace ShortyLv 71 month ago
Maybe you should break up with him now, he will probably have the same values as his family does. I don't think you will be able to avoid them if you marry him. Does he have siblings, are they the same way his parents are. Can't say I care for the LGBTs either but I am pro choice.
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- Serene ELv 71 month ago
Yes, you are being unfair and rude. you are making your bf to choose you or his family. That's not right, they're good people.
- 1 month ago
It is OK to feel the way that you feel. But rest assured, your life will be full of loneliness, disappointment and always low on funds. That is what happens to left wing bleeders. Nothing wrong with that, but your life will be a constant, angry failure.
- historyLv 71 month ago
It's okay that you two are not attached at the hip. It's totally okay for him to visit his family whenever he wants. Nothing about you not liking his family's company need interfere with HIS relationship to his family at all. If he wants to spend his days off with his family and you don't want to join him... then you likely need adjust to the fact that you won't see him much on his days off. Nothing unfair about that!
- MamawidsomLv 71 month ago
You feel the way you feel. This issue here isn't your opinion or your boyfriend's family's values. It is two other things:
1. Your immaturity is making it hard to let these people's different opinions go. You have a choice on how your respond to a stimulus. You can think someone is "wrong" or misguided without having it cause you irritation.
2. You are going for the visit. You LIVE with your boyfriend. You see him and sleep with him 5 days a week. Give it a rest and give him some space. Encourage him to go visit his parents by himself while you spend time with other friend or getting other chores done so you can have quality time when he returns.
I don't know how old you two are, but if he needs to see his parents every weekend, I'm not sure he is really ready to be living away from home.
- choko_canyonLv 71 month ago
Yeah, it reads as both unfair and slightly rude. I understand why you don't like hanging around people with such backwards viewpoints, but they're your bf's family and you're not going to change them. Unless you want to allow your irritability to start interfering in your relationship, you'll find a way to suck it up and deal with it.
- chris nLv 71 month ago
He's your b/f and you love him. He's working 6 days a week so only has one day off. Perhaps you can grab one of those days for just the two of you. Perhaps you can persuade him to go and see his family on his own for one of those days off as they'd probably like him to themselves for a change as you are ALWAYS with him when he visits. Suggest you spend another of those rare days visiting other friends. Perhaps he can cut his hours down to 5 days a week. He doesn't have much spare time does he.
- 1 month ago
join the club.
I can't stand my brother-in-law at times, and my sis 'senses it' : ))
fecking annoys the **** out of me hhe
so I UNDERSTAND you dont YOU WORRY lol
as the Icon (Pac) himself once said,
# Everything will be alright if ya hold onIt's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on #
dont feel bad for feeling how you're feeling. Just not let the situation get worse lol ( try not to lose the war of 'i know how to push your buttons and stress you out' :-D