ali asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 month ago

why i lost my confidence after marriage?

i was very happy untill 25 years of age and now im 34. im not very educated but most people who meet me think im a very mature and sensible man, im writing this question cuz its hard for me to tell this to people cuz when people get to know ur weakness they dont respect you like you deserve, so in high school i was very famous arround boys and girls i was always the leader in my friends. which actualy caused me into trouble many times. once i went to jail for 2 years and my charge was not very common i was charged with sexual assault on my girlfriend which was later thrown away in court. but that allegation cause swere damadge to my personality. i was to hide my self not socializing with people in jail afraid of people finding out abt my crime and start to judge me. the shame for sexualy assaulting was enough for me to change my way of life. after i got released from the custody i started working and within one year i got into arrange marriage and having 2 children. that shame of being in jail specialy for sexual assault distroyed my confidence that after almost 7 years im not back to normal i feel like everyone is watching me judging me. i cant make eye contact with men or women. i always find ways to finish conversations with friends and family i cant laugh i cant even consantrate on stuff. now i dont have goals in life and when i think about my children i feel like they will become like me when they grew up. i was very happy person cant figure out how to be back again

3 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago

    First I would get into therapy, as there is a lot to be talked through.   Try out three or four people before you make a decision about who you would like to talk to. Be sure they will be the kind of therapists who will toss questions and answers back and forth to you.  You know I have a friend who spent 12 years in a high security prison, and he is out now, and standing on his own two feet, and doesn't look back.  He paid his debt to society, so his Life moves on, moves forward and so should your Life move forward.  But you need a counselor, or someone to help you make it through, to help you change your thinking about yourself.  No one gets out of here without going through some chit, so why do you think you should?   Begin the journey of your Life by finding a good therapist and then talking about all of this fear and angst. My prayers go with you ali.   

    • ali2 weeks agoReport

      thankyou for your genion advice may god help you 

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 1 month ago

    I recommend a teacher Leonard Jacobson. I think he will give you some valid suggestions.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 1 month ago

    You know, most people have done some shameful things. We live with it and every now and then the memory surfaces, and we cringe with shame. It's part of life. In your case, you did something shameful, but it's not your private secret because you were tried and went to jail. What bad people lack is shame and remorse. It sounds like you have both. Be proud of that and be proud that you've changed. If you think someone is judging you, reduce contact with them. The fact is most people are judging you for who you are now, and have enough empathy to understand that if they had walked in your shoes they might have made some bad choices, too. Use your experience to have empathy for others who make mistakes (big and small), including the mistake of judging you. Think of them with kindness, and then use that same empathy and kindness towards yourself.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.