Hi I’m in my first relationship and my boyfriend and I are both 21 and have been together for about half a year. I feel like having a date and seeing him once a week is sufficient for me because I’m very independent and like to stay busy. I’ve always been this way. I see my friends maybe other week or every two weeks. My boyfriend strongly dislikes this and wants to see me almost every day or up to 3,4 times a week. I asked one of my friends for advice and she said I need to set more time aside for him. What should I do? He says he’s in love with me but I don’t know how long he’ll put up with seeing eachother one or twice a week.
- historyLv 73 months ago
If he's unwilling to be happy with seeing you twice a week then it isn't YOU he's in love with.. it's having a girlfriend. Lots and lots of grownups have busy lives, work, hobbies, interests, evening classes, friends, social engagements and a steady date with a sweetheart twice a week is Terrific and Balanced and Wonderful. While high school kids might "need" to be attached at the hip to their sweetie, most grownups really don't. At least not in a rush to do so. At 21, there's no reason for you to be in a rush to wed or shack up unless you absolutely can not talk yourself out of it. Clearly you can. So keep it up. Have a wonderful romance at the level that YOU want to and if he would rather have a gal he sees more often than the 2x's a week he gets to see YOU... well.. that certainly makes my point. On the other hand, if you don't want him to wander off and you'd be truly heartbroken if he did.... compromise is often rewarding. However, compromise does NOT mean he becomes the boss of your life. Nope. Not that.
- :)Lv 53 months ago
I’m also in my first relationship. I’m 22, hes 28. It’s been 2 months, although it feels longer, haha. Feels like it’s been 4. I am a little similar to you; I like to keep busy. I’m super driven. I can also go without seeing my boyfriend every day, which is why dating an older guy is great because they don’t have the time for all that anyway.
However, once a week is not a lot. I think on average, I see my boyfriend 3 times a week. Sometimes 2 times if it’s just a really busy/tiring week, sometimes 4 if we have a lot planned (ie: double dates). Seeing him doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. It could be as simple as you going over to him (or vice versa) for 2-3 hours in the evening. He could literally hangout with you while you do homework. You could make dinner together. If you want to keep the flame alive, you’ll at least try twice a week. Maybe try like a Tuesday and a Saturday. Then I would increase to 3 days, and keep that as your max. You deserve to keep SOME alone time.
- JanetLv 73 months ago
Love is NOT what makes a relationship work. It is only 11% of what makes it work, and it only does this by making us WANT it to work.
Relationships work when you offer what I need and I offer what you need. And we cannot always control or alter what we offer nor what we need. Just because we love doesn’t mean we will be happy together or that the relationship will, or should, last.
Your friend is right. In every relationship we have to decide IF what the person offers is WORTH it, enough for us to make concessions and change some of our behaviors in order to keep them happy. And in a good relationship, the other person does the same for us. If he is worth it to you, you will adapt your behaviors to meet his needs MORE (I didn’t say totally .. he too has to compromise).
When all is said and done, if someone is not happy with the relationship, sooner or later they leave.
The OTHER thing that makes a relationship work is that both people can accept their partner AS they ARE, and NOT try to change them. This depends on two things:
(1) Our partner IS acceptable. In other words, they are violent, abusive, cruel, an alcoholic or drug addict, etc.
(2) WE take responsibility for OUR feelings .. yes the other person triggers our emotions, but those emotional patterns are OURS and we have some ability to work with how we respond. Only when we work with OUR emotions can we accept our partner, flaws and all, and make the relationship work. Most couples, it takes them about 20 years of marriage to figure out how to work with their own emotions, and the couple that make it to 20 years are very attached, very mature already and work very hard at working with their own emotions further.
- 3 months ago
Typically when you're in a relationship you enjoy being around that person a lot. I'm not saying you need to be attached at the hip but once or twice a week isn't completely normal either especially after you've been dating for about 6 months. Where do you see this relationship going? If you imagine a future with him then obviously once it escalates, once a week isn't enough time to keep a relationship going. Try to see it from his side too, he misses you.
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- 3 months ago
Do what you think.