Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 8 months ago

Question for guys: Why did he get so angry when I told him I cared about him?

Been talking to this guy for awhile, and I told him I cared about him and thought he was a wonderful person to be around.

Here was his response.

"You don't know me, and I don't like stuff like that. It's easier to isolate myself because I experienced tough stuff as a kid, so the ones closest to me will hurt me. I just like hookups because it makes me feel wanted."

I said "I never said that you had to reciprocate those feelings. But I do care about you, and you're important to me whether you like it or not. So you can just deal."

He got mad, and I said I'd be here when he was ready to talk, and then immediately went no contact.

Why would he get so defensive and mad if I was just some hookup? So confused by that. He opened up to me about abuse he suffered as a kid, as his reasoning, and I don't think that's something you just tell someone.

Also, do you think any bit of what I said got through to him? Sure didn't seem like it.

7 Answers

  • 8 months ago

    Gosh sounds like that guy has a ton of problems. 

  • steve
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Sounds to me he was hurt as a child either emotionally, physically or both. By who I don't know.

    If someone has been hurt by people they trusted or they should trust then they find it difficult to place belief in anyone else, and that if they place their trust with you  how do they know you are not going to repeat the past.

    I don't think you alone are going to solve this. He needs to seek help from his doctor.

    Be reassuring and be there but give him space. Be there if he calls but don't push him into something he is not ready to do.

    This sounds like a lifelong mental problem that needs a professional to resolve. If you start pushing you are only going to push him away so he might never get the help he obviously needs.

  • g
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    He thinks it places him under obligation to you, that you want more than a hookup. You have expectations that he doesn't want to meet.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Part of him is hurting inside

    Be patient

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    I think it got through loud and clear.  Let me translate for him.   He doesn't have any feelings or loyalty toward you, he just wanted some physical\sexual companionship.   He doesn't want to hurt you as a friend if he has to ghost you one day because his situation changes which will inevitably happen.   He brought up his past as an excuse to be cold and selfish when it suits him.   Psychology it prepares you to be the girl he just uses for sex when he can't find anyone better so to speak if you choose to accept such terms. 

  • R L
    Lv 5
    8 months ago

    It is his defensive mechanism. Some guys refuse to address their emotional needs and lash out when face with feelings. He needs a good friend and some counseling.

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    It's manipulative to declare yourself as devoted to someone. If you aren't expecting something in return, then why make the declaration? Why not just keep your feelings to yourself unless you're quite sure that the other person will WELCOME hearing about your feelings? Maybe you didn't intend it that way, but it comes off as a passive aggressive demand that ones feelings be a consideration, opens the door to "But you know I care for you!" recriminations. Don't go there. Tell him you enjoy his company yes, but shut up about the "I care for you" stuff. 

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