Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Is it ok to give up sometimes? ?

My husband and I moved to Myrtle Beach SC in 2016 for his job. After 4 months, his company closed its doors permanently. We’ve been unable to find decent paying jobs since then. Everything  is seasonal and the pay is an absolute disgrace. We are both working two jobs just to get by. I am a 2nd grade teacher and after taxes, medical, and the mandatory 9 percent retirement state employees are required to take out in bringing home 13000 per month. He makes 32000 per year as a sales manager. 

I can’t take it much more. We have no family here both of our families are 14 hours away. I cry almost daily. I want to move but my husband refuses to move. He loves the weather and the beach. He goes out to the bars and all he wants to do is “live it up” as he calls it. I feel like since moving here he’s regressed back to a 21 year old. 

Everyone we associate with is divorced or has kids but still drinks and has parties while their kids are sleeping. I feel like this is just a huge party town and NOT where we need to be! I explained to him my feelings and he told me if I don’t like it he will gladly sign papers for a divorce and find someone who’s local and wants to live here. Those were his exact words. I’m educated and have a degree. Going back to school is not an option for me. I want out of here. I know we can do better elsewhere. I know we aren’t supposed to give up on our marriage but I’m honestly thinking of filing and just moving home with my parents. We are both 29 years old. 

13 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    There must be a typo because 13K a month should be enough to make it in SC. But I'll suggest you try a separation before you make the decision to file for divorce. Move back to live with your parents for a while and give him a chance to see what his partying is going to cost him if he doesn't get his act together.

  • 8 months ago

    Honestly, only you can answer that question.  You may have to search your feelings and really see what the issue is.  Maybe this article can help give you perspective and really search your feelings as to what the problem might be. 

    https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=1020100...

  • 8 months ago

    If you tried and he still doesn't listen then move back with your parents.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    You have nothing to show, for the life you have. You said you are educated, and you have a degree plus you have two jobs.

    I am educated. I have a college diploma, and I am self taught as well. I am self employed.

    Currently I am learning more about boats. I already have my boating license. I just don't have enough knowledge yet to be able to live, and maybe travel on a boat.

    Anyway do whatever you want, and that's all I have to say.

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  • 8 months ago

    The median household income in Myrtle Beach, was $38,338 by last Census taken in 2017. The individual per capita was $28,244. that was 3 years ago and it's figured to have raised 1.6% (seems low) . If I fudge your figures to mean you earn, take home, $1,300 per month (instead of $13,000 a month), for 9 months, then your combined income is $47,000. Which is average in my area but certainly above average in Myrtle Beach.

    So, you came from a wealthy family? Expected to make a lot of money as a grammar school teacher?

    I get giving up. Or changing one's mind. That counts too. People do it when they find themselves going in the wrong direction. You'd rather go back and live at "home". Which signifies to me the core issue. It isn't that you two make a very average income for working people in that area. It's that "home" is still your parent's house. And, years into your marriage, if "home" is still your parent's house instead of anywhere that you and your husband are carving out.... going "home" might be right for you.

    I do not recommend that choice. But if you feel that is what is right for you and your husband thinks it's nuts and he's staying put and moving "home" still looks attractive? Might be exactly the right time to do it. You seem to realize that it's quitting your marriage. If that's okay with you, it's your life. Maybe you just don't particularly like your husband anymore. Feel "stuck"? It is "ok" to "give up" sometimes. It's often regretted too. Perhaps you've mulled over this enough to know your choice.

    My husband and I talk about moving to Myrtle Beach! For the beach and the frolic. We've more than several decades on you though. Old people seem to like it there.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    wow .... you are complaining about that income? 

    I would divorce yes,,, you will never be happy no matter what but you will only find out when you leave 

    party WELL I cannot see that but you chose him he was always that way

    your whining about his income means you are not a good wife.... never will be 

  • 8 months ago

    You do not have a marriage, other than the legal tie,honey. Clearly, he prefers the beach to you.  Go home to your parents.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    It might be the way you wrote this, but his response when you tried talking about it was completely unacceptable.  A marriage won't last long if a conflict arises and one spouse decides it's easier to blow it up than work through the conflict. 

    On what to do, the only thing I can suggest is think through that convo you had and how you approached it.  If it could have come across as accusatory or blaming him, this usually isn't productive and it makes people defensive.   If that's possible, try one more time and use a different angle.  It's about problem solving and finding something that works for both of you.  If he doesn't want to move back home, there's still a ton of options you can consider. 

    If that doesn't work, then it sounds like you're too incompatible or you want completely separate things.  It's hard to get past that.

  • 8 months ago

    get going girl..he SHOWED who he is, believe him!

  • 8 months ago

    If my husband said that to me it would show me exactly that our marriage was not a priority. He just gave you walking papers, basically.

    Forget about everything else and all the good points you made because the only thing that really matters is his comment that it was his way or the highway. I would pick the highway because this man clearly has no respect for you or your marriage. Make sure your attorney protects your retirement fund.

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