Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

My mother REFUSES to pump her own gas and I’m getting tired of it.?

My mother moved from New Jersey to Texas. She REFUSES to learn how to pump her own gas. She actually PAYS people money to pump gas for her. When she needs gas she calls me or my husband and we have to drive 20 min to her house to take her car and pump gas. (My parents are divorced.) My husband is getting tired of it. He offered to show her how and she refuses to learn. I’m not sure what to do. She makes me feel guilty if I won’t drive the 20 min to her house to fill up her tank. Any advice? Should we stop enabling her and just tell her we aren’t coming anymore? She’s paying people ten bucks when we aren’t there to fill it for her.

24 Answers

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    You are aiding her silly behaviour around pumping gas by driving to her to pump gas for her. Just stop doing it. She'll quickly learn how do it herself.

  • 8 months ago

    She's not your child. If she refuses to learn that's her fault just don't answer her calls. I get that it's annoying but you have to learn to draw the line with her and tell her "I get that you're my mom but im not gonna feel guilty for not driving 20 minutes to pump gas for you. You may be my mother but you're also a grown woman and it's childish for you to try and guilt me for not doing things like this for you. I love you and i have to go. I'll talk to you when you're not mad anymore" then hang up and when she calms down if she's still singing the same tune you just create some distance between the two of you and stop talking to her for a few days. Hope this helps. You shouldn't have to deal with that.

  • 8 months ago

    if she can afford to pay for it, more power to her

  • 8 months ago

    Find a gas station that has an attendant. Give that info to her and tell her to go to that gas station. If she is handicapped then she can go to any gas station and push the handicap button. Someone will come out and pump it for her. If neither of these work flat out tell her that she is a grown up and it is time to act like one. She can pump her own gas.

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  • 8 months ago

    Tell her if she can pay anybody 10 dollars to put gas in her car then she should pay you 15 as you have to use your own vehicle and gas to get there. Did she pump her own gas in Jersey? How old is she? Why did she move to Texas?

  • 8 months ago

    Unfortunately, New Jersey is one of the few state's (if not the only one) where pumping your own gas is illegal. She's lived under that law for year's and it's hard to readjust. If she wants to pay extra now that she's no longer in NJ let her do so. She'll eventually change her feelings about this although it may take a while before she forgives you.

  • 8 months ago

    You don't "have to" go and fill up her car for her. Seems you have a choice. I'm probably older than her, and i do it myself.

  • 8 months ago

    If there are no full service gas stations in her area, then tell her she needs to drive to the closest gas station to your house where you will help her pump gas, only on the days you are getting gas for yourself. If that is not acceptable to you, tell her to continue to hire people and that you will not be controlled by her fear of pumping her own gas.

    Sit her down and tell her that she's being unreasonable and that you will no longer feel any form of guilt to help a woman pump gas who is perfectly able to do so herself.

    Although I realized the law in New Jersey is that no individual can pump their own gas as attendants do that for you. But she's in Texas now.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    My mother has never pumped gas for her car. My father did it for years.

    She asks the attendant on duty to do it for her.

    Even at gas stations that have convenient stores as part of them, will come out and pump gas if asked.   Some have call/help buttons at the pump.  Find a gas station near her and convenient to get to and you go in and ask them if they will pump for her.  Then do it with her the first time. Then refuse to pump for her again, 

    My mother is very dependent and never wants to learn how to do anything new to her.  She has never had trouble with a gas station pumping for her.  Then she just using the same gas station each time.  I just needed to help her out the first time.  

    Expect grumbling about it.

  • P
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    I would stop enabling her for sure, but you need to be the one to tell her and leave your husband out of it.  Tell her you are not doing it and you are telling your husband he isn't allowed to either.  If she's paying someone else to do it then so be it, you can't let that bother you since it's out of your control.   She needs to stop acting like a needy child.

    My mother also never pumped gas, but my father passed recently and my brother and I sat her down and told her she will need to do it on her own now.  We showed her two times and then she figured it out like everyone else.  

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