My mom doesn’t like me?
I’m a happily married 34 year old woman with 2 wonderful sons and I still can’t get over my mom not liking me. What really makes it unbearable I think is the fact that she does like my younger sister and sometimes they talk about me. It’s hurtful. I think the main issue comes from the fact that I have a good relationship with my dad. My parents are divorced and my mom hates my dad. I was always close to him when I was little and I still am. I swear she only hates me because I like him. It’s not fair. I want a relationship with both of them. I make sure to never talk about him around her so she won’t get jealous or think I love him more. But it’s not fair for her to act like she can only like me if I agree to not like him. I can’t really talk to her though. I’ve tried this before and she ends up being nice in the moment but then making fun of what I said later with my sister or friends. My sister enjoys this so I don’t have a good relationship with her either. I know I can’t make her like me, but I can’t seem to get over it. Please someone give me some magic advice.
- chris nLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
There is no magic advice. Both you and your sister come from a broken home and therefore you are both damaged. Your mother (and possibly your dad too......we know nothing about him and what he's said to you in the past) has indulged in what, today, is called 'parental alienation' which is recognised as a form of child abuse. It was probably unconscious on her part - she didn't like him so didn't want anyone else to like him. You were more feisty than your sister and chose him over her to live with so she could work on your sister but not on you. Perhaps dad worked on you too - perhaps not. I'm sure, if you and sis went to a psychologist, you'd find you have a lot of anger issues with your mother for doing that to you.....and to her. I wonder how your sis feels about your dad and her not being his favourite like you? Sadly, what's done is done. You are never going to have a lovey-dovey relationship with your mother.....just what you've got now. Possibly, when you are together with your sister you may compare notes. Your sis may not even realise what's been done to her. This is what divorce can do to kids. Be glad your own children have a lovely stable home life and will grow up well adjusted. Sorry not to help but I'm a fellow sufferer.
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
As the old chestnut goes, "We get two chances at family. The one our parents made for us and the one we make for ourselves." Your parents didn't do a great job of providing a family for you to grow up in. But you seem to be doing the opposite in crafting a positive family environment for your own kids. Sometimes the best we can do is to not repeat the mistakes our parents made.
- something fishyLv 71 month ago
Does it matter
Once I had kids they were my world
I was delighted not to be the favorite
- Serene ELv 71 month ago
You should get some therapy, then.
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- Alan HLv 71 month ago
Why not write a letter to her in which you tell her how much you would like a relationship with her?
Invite her for a meal....make it special.
- Coach SimonLv 71 month ago
This is very hard for you, isn't it? It is all very emotional, so I myself cannot come up with rational/logical ideas. However, there is actually something you can do which you might scoff at, but I have found remarkably effective over time. It is to send huge waves of Love to your mother and your sister (the Greeks had at least four different words for love), and hold them in the light of a golden six pointed star. Do one or both with genuine love: they actually need your love, even if they are not actually conscious of it - and might even deny it. Try spending a minute or two a couple of times a day or more. I wouldn't sit and wait for results, but remain calm and kind and loving. I wish you well for 2020! :o)